Section 2 of the Awakening Assessment just showed me that the "goody two-shoes high achiever" role I played as the family peacekeeper is the same pattern that's had me abandoning my own albums mid-recording for decades. The unfinished record isn't a technology problem. It's a permission problem I've been carrying since childhood.

Just did another section of my ADHD Awakening Assessment. Trying to catch up a bit. It was about what a voice in us tells us when we fail. I have a voice telling me I've "wasted my life" and "can't get the act together". Jim//the AI says that isn't actually mine. I'm not sure how to process that idea, that there are voices in my head that are not mine. I'd rather think about it like this: part of me has made an assessment about me, and is giving me feedback based on criteria that I've picked up over the years, maybe from early on, about what has most value, and what a successful life looks like. 'I've been reading from a script I didn't write'. Or using a form that other people have designed and promote and put onto us, that have more to do with what they think is important, instead of allowing me to consider what is important and valuable to me. So what is important and valuable to me? The kind of insights I'm getting in this group and with this challenge! Connecting with people who share similar struggles. That's important to me... not having to care about all the people and things that others believe they have to care about. Can I let them have their sets of values and priorities, and give myself permission, freely, to have and enjoy mine? Yes. I want to say 'yes' to this. So have I 'wasted my life?' Depends how one looks at it. Maybe I can use my own 'glasses' instead of someone else's. What does it mean to get my act together, for me? It means showing up... when and where I need to, and want to. Where it has meaning for me. To share things that I value, and consider interesting and helpful. So yes, maybe I can say now that those thoughts, about wasting my life and not getting my act together, aren't actually mine. In the sense that they don't belong to me, because they don't fit me. What I was helped to see, is that there are times I do show up. I have done meaningful and valuable things in my life, and will continue to. Maybe 'my act' is more 'together' than I have been able to see, so far. Maybe I am 'closer than I think.' I'm looking forward to continuing to show up here. sorry for the long post.