This is my second time going through this challenge and it did not get easier. I cried again and then physically shut down. I fell asleep. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I deal with perfectionism and people pleasing all the time because I want to be accepted and loved. This hurts when I think about it this way.

EDIT: I didn't make the potholder myself, I just mended the loop at the top! I have had to sew this potholder for a few weeks now and I finally did it today after doing a face and neck cold shower. The day is of to a good start. 🥳

I was supposed to do this yesterday but got sidetracked... The mask I've been wearing most: hiding so people don't notice me as much How exhausting it's been: I just want to help people and it's hard to do that when you're hiding in a hole What I loved as a kid (before the masks): singing full out before I became embarrassed by it Friction Audit complete, this are the exact steps i have to take: I wrote it on my list as a to do.

if anyone has any tips on visualising your future self and really feeling that emotion I really struggle with this - feeling emotion for others I also find really difficult - but I can feel my own but I usually bottle it up …

📅 Daily Check-in - September 4, 2026 💭 Reflection: "Just when I thought this journey couldn't get any tougher. Yesterday Mum & I had to make a heart wrenching decision. The decision was to pull all of Dad's heart meds. He was going to die through one of four possibilities: the rectal cancer with its secondaries, heart failure, COPD, and his circulation shutting off (arterial flow to his legs was very poor). What was the kindest way for him to die? IT certainly wasn't the rectal cancer and it's secondaries; we've seen evidence to that. The doctor said he could go at any time now and that we should spend as much time as possible with him. We haven't even told my siblings or the wider whanau (family) about this. We're just quietly absorbing it all in for the moment. At first when the Hospice Doctor hinted at this option, it threw me off track and my heart stopped for a beat. That was the last thing I was expecting - discussions around pain management yes, discussions around how he should die no. Once the initial shock passed, the observer that has grown in me, looked at Dad staring into space trying to hide the pain from Hospice and then at Mum, slowly wasting away with sheer exhaustion. I realised that agreeing to removing the heart meds was probably kindest on Dad and ultimately on Mum too especially as he's struggling to swallow the tablets now. So why does this feel so heavy? I've been preparing for this moment (well not quite this path) for a while now, since his diagnosis in February this year. Deep down this heavy feeling is because I feel as though I have issued the death warrant. I don't even think he's aware of what we've done - that's probably the hardest part to take in. So for now, we just take it day by day, waiting for the end to come." 📊 Wellbeing Scores: 😊 Happiness: 3/10 ⚡ Energy: 4/10 🎯 Focus: 4/10 😌 Calmness: 3/10 🌙 Sleep Quality: 4/10 🔥 Motivation: 4/10 ⭐ Average: 3.7/10 ✅ Activities from yesterday: 💧 Stayed Hydrated 🥗 Healthy Eating 🍺 No Alcohol