There are 3 general levels I’ve identified on the self-confidence spectrum: Insecure, Coping, and Secure. Insecure is where you’re unable to take value-based actions because you’re either too afraid or you’re unaware that you lack confidence. Coping is where you have some awareness, and you try to push through your insecurities with new behaviours, setting goals and disciplining yourself to follow strict rules. And Secure is where you behave healthy in a way that doesn’t feel like trying (in the way Coping does), and is based on nuanced in-the-moment decisions related to your core values. A common issue I see is people mistaking Coping for Secure. Coping is where you’ve found a way to paper-over, push through, or otherwise circumvent your insecurities, but ultimately you are still ruled by them. Confidence is where the insecurities no longer hold any sway over your decisions, even if they still exist in your mind. The best way to demonstrate this is with clear examples. When someone is Insecure, they’re worried about what their parents think of them, to the point where they just do as they’re told. As Coping for this, they might try to prove their parents wrong and rebel against them, i.e. "The best revenge is massive success" (Frank Sinatra). Notice how this rebellion still stems directly from caring what the parents think. A Secure person would not factor in how the parents react at all, neither trying to win their love nor prove them wrong, i.e. "The best revenge is to not be like them" (Marcus Aurelius). An Insecure person might be too scared to go for a promotion at work but feel pressured to go for it because that’s what they’re supposed to want. As Coping, they might push themselves to “fake it til you make it” and put on a confident performance at the job interview to get the promotion. A Secure person would just be honest in the job interview, and may not even feel the need to get promoted unless it was an act of integrity to apply for the job.

Quick update on the April group-coaching special cohort. This is definitely going ahead now. I’ve had a strong response already and there are around 10 people who’ve raised their hands (thanks guys!). Because this is designed to be a small, high-accountability group, I’ll only be taking 3–6 people max. So this is essentially the final call before I lock it in. Here’s how it will work: • 4 weeks total • 2 live group coaching sessions per week (attendance required) • Focused on taking action, not consuming content or discussing hypothetical theory • Built around applying the 3X model in real situations to ensure massive growth over the month (without too much discomfort) • Direct coaching, feedback, and challenges each session • $1,000 US per person (includes lifetime access to the Brotherhood) This isn’t for people who just want more information. It’s for guys who are ready to: - stop overthinking - stop people-pleasing - and actually apply their values to the decisions they make every day Because of the group size, I’ll be confirming spots personally rather than opening it up publicly. If you’re interested and serious about it, message me now (if you've already done this, sit back and relax). If you’ve been sitting on the fence, this is likely your last chance to get considered for this round. Once it’s full, I’ll start a waitlist for the next one (date TBC). Dan

The following is a real live coaching session hosted by Dan Munro, and featuring Brojo veteran Andy. ----------- If you’re a nice guy or people pleaser who’s working actively on becoming more confident, I have no doubt that recently, or soon, you’re going to have an experience where you completely relapse, usually due to some sort of setback from the outside world, getting sick, maybe a parent says something really nasty to you, you go through a big breakup, some stressful event at work, something will knock you off your course, and it makes you feel like you’ve completely reset to zero. You’d probably be quite shocked and disappointed at how quickly the old, nice guy version of you regains power over you. It’s like you’ve completely gone back to the old way of doing things. You have a victim mindset. You’re indulging in the old addictive or self destructive behaviour patterns, the coping mechanisms, and the things that were once easy or getting easier as you grew your confidence now feel really difficult again, like you’ve never done them before. All the old fears have come back, like you’re pushing through mud. Now this is actually a very common dilemma. In fact, it’s an almost necessary part of the nice guy recovery process. Relapse is built into the model of recovery. So the problem is in reaction to a big, unexpected setback, or even a small but significant one, while we’re in the transition phase of building our confidence, we can easily get completely set back to zero, because that’s still the strongest programming we have. In this episode you will witness me coaching a guy named Andy who’s just gone through a massive relapse like this, and is trying to get back on his feet. Last year, during our work together Andy made some really massive gains. A particularly confident move he made was to quit his comfortable but unsatisfying nine to five job and to back himself boldly and responsibly into create a career in art. And for months, things were working. He was getting workshops up and running. He was teaching people. He was doing his art, going to galleries and so on, to present his art to people, even overcoming his fear of their judgments and criticisms.