Most nice guys don’t ruin their marriages by being selfish. They actually ruin them by being helpful. I know this because I’ve done this. Right after my daughter was born, my wife was suffering a lot physically, and I relapsed really hard into being a fixer. This created a massive disconnect between us. While I thought I was helping, I was actually controlling. I was trying to prevent her from having emotions that I found uncomfortable, and that made me build up a lot of resentment too. If you’ve ever walked into your house and felt like you’re having problems dumped on you the minute you walk through the door, that your help is not being appreciated, that the intimacy and your sex life have faded, and you don’t know why this happened or when it started, this interview with relationship coach and intimacy expert Monica Tanner is going to help you sort that out. We’re going to break down something that men completely misunderstand: the difference between fixing and supporting. We’re going to have a look at why resentment builds and how it destroys marriages and relationships, especially for people pleasers, and we’re going to explore how this creates an environment that is not emotionally safe, which is the leading cause of intimacy and connection problems later down the line. Monica is going to help us unpack the chain reaction: how fixing leads to expectations, which leads to resentment, which leads to intimacy issues - and what you can do to break out of the cycle. So get a pen and paper ready, because this episode is absolutely packed with practical tips from someone who really knows what they’re talking about… If you prefer written content, click here to keep reading the full written version on Dan’s blog. Or click on your preferred option below: - Watch on YouTube - Listen on Soundcloud - Listen on Apple Podcasts - Listen on Spotify - Listen on Amazon Audible

Hey guys Firstly, my deepest appreciation to all of you for being part of the group, especially those who interact on the feed and bring some ideas and life into the discussions. I have analytics on Skool that show me many of you are "lurking" - I can see that people read posts and visit the group, occasionally comment (usually when I'm doing some sort of free giveaway), but otherwise don't really post or support others with comments. I want to know what I can do to improve that. I want this to be a place where you feel encouraged and safe to participate actively, help others and share your experience along the way. I've tried a few things already, like 30 day challenges and polls and giveaways, but most of you remain silent. I know one sure-fire way is to make this group paid-only (remove the free membership tier). This is a last resort for me, but I'm running out of ideas. If you want this group to remain free, comment below (or DM me privately if you're not ready to be seen publicly) and let me know what I can do to increase your active participation. Let's build this thing together and have everyone giving in to the group. Cheers Dan

Hey guys Thanks for all your feedback on the previous post about how to improve the engagement in this group. I went live today to talk about these ideas and what changes will happen in this group. I'll wait for your responses before I make those changes happen, so please take a moment to watch the video below or read through the summary notes and let me know your thoughts. This is especially important for those of you wanting to access this group for free! Cheers Dan

Go to my instragram post and comment "NOTHING" to get a free e-copy of my book Nothing To Lose: Using Curiosity to Destroy Hesitation, Procrastination and Limiting Beliefs First 10 people only! https://www.instagram.com/p/DXggWAmAlhP/

One of the main takeaways I had from Louis Theroux's documentary on the Manosphere was the new cultural norm of contempt for being a good person. Today I want to talk about why it is good to be good, and how relishing in being the bad guy is a sign of mental dysfunction and exceptionally low self-worth, and is therefore a faulty model of living if you want a high quality enjoyable life. As neuroscientist and commentator Sam Harris recently pointed out, the bad guys used to at least pretend they were good. They had to pretend in order to get away with being bad. But these manosphere influencers openly brag about being awful people, and on occasion even openly admit to scamming their loyal followers and customers. So I wanted to write to the few people who will read this and make a case for being a good person. Firstly, I must define what a “good person” is without devolving into pages of philosophical argument. So for the sake of this article, being a good person simply means "you intend to take actions that make life better for those around you as well as yourself." This is not to be confused with people-pleasing, which is a manipulation to give the appearance of being a good person. While the behaviours can often appear to be the same - e.g. self-sacrificing acts of kindness - the intention is different. People pleasers have the primary motive of seeking approval and validation. A genuine Good Person does things for the sake of being good, even if this means being misunderstood, unappreciated, or even hated. To further clarify what it means to be good, we can also define what it means to be bad. For the sake of this post, being “bad” means intentionally doing acts that you know are likely to harm others, for your own gain. Either the goal itself is to cause harm (sadism), or you’re simply willing to cause harm to achieve another goal even when a less harmful way is available, e.g. choosing to make money ripping people off instead of earning it honestly. Being “bad” is not the same as being assertive or doing necessary harm for the greater good. Being a good person sometimes means doing things that people don’t enjoy because in the longer term it would create a higher quality of life, e.g. hosting an intervention for a drug addict, giving a staff member critical feedback, or even using minimal violence at a small scale to prevent violence at a much larger scale.