When nice guys lose momentum, they usually think the problem is burnout. But most of the time… it's actually something else. In a 1:1 coaching session we did live here in Skool, @Andy Wallam came to me feeling stuck after a rough year. In 2025 he left his safe 9-to-5 job to pursue his creative career. Things were going well. Then he got hit with influenza and COVID back-to-back. Months later his body had recovered, but psychologically he still felt that he identified as “the fatigued guy.” And during the session I pointed out something that might sound a bit brutal: He’d slipped back into a victim mindset. This is incredibly common for recovering nice guys. When momentum breaks, the brain grabs the first excuse it can find and quietly pulls you back into the old identity — the one where life is happening to you instead of because of you. In the session we break down: • Why setbacks can reactivate the victim mindset • How fatigue and imposter syndrome reinforce each other • The uncomfortable phase of becoming a responsible man again If you’ve ever felt like you’re capable of more but somehow keep spinning your wheels, you’ll probably recognise yourself in this conversation. The full coaching session is available, enjoy!

Time for something fun: the "would you rather...?" game! 😁🤔 I'll start us off with a tough one: Would you rather ask out a complete stranger? OR Stand up to a bully who's been bothering you for years? Looking forward to your questions and answers! 👍😎

Something that happened recently... I sometimes teach chess at Russian kids summer camps here in Japan, and have taught two so far (a long summer one in August, and a short winter one in early January). I love working at these camps. The kids are good for the most part, the food is great, the colleagues are nice, the mountainous town has great outdoor activities, and reminds me of my hometown in Canada. Also, I have been motivated to slowly learn Russian to improve my communication with them (I like langauge learning anyway, so it is a nice side hobby, but not a priority or requiremment), and I look forward to doing more camps, despite the slightly low pay. I've had some issues with the owner / manager though. For instance, she told me that we'd be paid in September (the summer camp ended August 24 or so), and despite her knowing that I badly needed the money at the time, and my semi-frequent reminders to transfer it to me, I didn't actually get paid until mid-October -- after she and her family got back from a trip! "Oh, sorry, I'm in China at the moment. I'll pay you as soon as I get back." It still took a week or two, even after she got back... Then, in December, I sent a message asking about the salary, and literally two days before the start of the camp, she said what it was, and she wouldn't negotiate... So, needing the money, I accepted it again. Of course, I wanted to go as well, as I enjoy being there and wanted to go snowboarding again for the first time since high school... She let me borrow a snowboard and boots from the camp, as they have plenty. I went snowboarding alone, not with the kids, as I am not a snowboard instructor. So far so good... But then in February, when she transferred me my salary (two weeks late again, by the way), she explained that 3500 yen (not much money, but still, and it's an arbitrary amount as well) was deducted for the snowboard rental. I explained I had no idea about that, and thought it was covered by the camp, to which she replied that the camp only covers the costs for the instructors, not for teachers who snowboard alone... (this was all through texting, we haven't had a call about it yet).

I read this thismorning, and thought I'd share it in here.. We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings. It’s impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It’s good to care about other people and their feelings; it’s essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice. Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people’s feelings. We can replace that message with a new one, one that says it’s not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings. That’s okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves. Caring works. Caretaking doesn’t. We can learn to walk the line between the two. Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other people’s feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it’s the best thing I can do for myself and others.

Hey guys. I figured I'd share my personal list of sexual shame I created as part of the shameless course. 1. I feel embarrassed due to my lack of experience romantically and platonically with females. 2. I feel like I can’t connect with them without worrying about doing something stupid. I was called creepy and awkward by a crush in eighth grade indirectly by another girl who was her friend. That girl I had a crush on never had the guts to tell me the truth to my face. 3. I started masturbation when I was 14 to curvy women on Instagram, same time I was in eighth grade. But I am doing well so far quitting this habit. 4. I am envious of people who are in relationships, especially guys that were / are dating women I was attracted to. 5. I was being compared to other guys by group of girls in my grade. One especially said to me that every woman can do better than you. That stung and made me feel like I am not good enough. 6. I fantasize about women that I am not connected with, especially those at work. There was this one woman who is gorgeous and she is in a different department. I learned last year she has a boyfriend, and I had a crush on her before. I felt silly because I can’t be able to connect with her, even on a platonic level where other men can connect with her. 7. In eighth grade, my friend and I were told by our moms that they are disappointed in us for being interested in girls. So, I never learned how to talk to women or learn how to take healthy risks with one such as PDA in public and flirting. I was afraid of getting in trouble. 8. In high school. I didn’t know how to lead a relationship, especially with a high school girlfriend. She said she always wanted me to decide, and I was too easy going about making decisions. I was afraid of messing things up or doing the wrong thing.