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10 contributions to Brojo: Confidence & Integrity
Dealing with Difficult People: a Quote from Marcus Aurelius
I've studied Stoicism on and off over the last few years, and have found it helpful in many ways. One way is in my approach to dealing with difficult people, largely influenced by the following quote from Marcus Aurelius: "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions." It's kind of deep, but I think one thing that we can take away from it is that people are people, imperfect in nature, and expecting the worst from them helps us brace ourselves for our interactions with them. Furthermore, we can even GROW from our intereactions with them. I try to tell myself, when dealing with difficult colleagues and students, to be 'grateful' for them, and to see my interactions with them as 'training in patience and tolerance'. I think Ryan Holiday has discussed this in some of his YT videos before as well... Maybe that's where I got it from. So, welcome the difficult people in your lives! Thank them! LOVE THEM! They were placed there to challenge you, to make you grow, to make you improve, and by approaching them with the right mindset, you will! Furthermore, it is their nature to be that way, so don't become angry with them! As a Stoic (I forget which one) once said, "are you going to hate a fox for going into your chicken coop?" and "If a dog bites you, are you going to bite it back?!?" 🤣
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Great tip from Haris
Brotherhood veteran @Haris Naz came up with a great idea: a treadmill. I've seen a few people do this now, installing a walking treadmill for while they're working. Haris discovered that this also unlocks all kinds of solutions for mental and emotional issues as well. So often, the answer to whatever's plaguing you is simply "Go for a walk" (or "move your body").
2 likes • 1d
Not to mention the health benefits! I've heard some companies have implemented treadmill walking time into their employees' working days, but I haven't seen it personally. I doubt it exists here in Japan. 🤣 Similarly, perhaps, in my youth, I used to enjoy splitting firewood for hours on end, alone, without music or anything to listen to. It lets one focus on something physical, while the mind reflects on things. Commuting everywhere by bicycle, as I do now, is much the same.
1 like • 10h
@Haris Naz I agree with your theory. One reason I like commuting by bicycle so much is that it forces me to stay off the damn phone, lol. 🤣 If I took the train everywhere, like most here, I'm sure my mental health would be worse (not to mention my physical health for lack of exercise). For those of us who are on screens a lot, I think having frequent exercise breaks, and especially breaks that put us in nature, are essential for our mental health. So, go for a long walk in the park without your phone. You'll thank yourself afterwards. 👍
Showing up for oneself
I’ve often wondered… Why are most of us so good at showing up for others (bosses, friends, family members – you name it), but often so inconsistent at showing up for ourselves? Aren’t we among the most important people in our lives? Most people would say ‘yes’, but their behaviour seldom reflects it: - They continue to eat poorly and skip workouts, knowing the long-term consequences. - They continue to put their projects off until tomorrow, when ‘tomorrow’ never comes. - They continue to try to make everyone else happy without taking care of their own emotional needs. - They continue to emphasize their own failures, while downplaying their victories. And much more! The list goes on and on… Why do you think this is? What is it about human nature that makes many of us neglect, fail to show up for, and cheat ourselves? Would you cheat on your partner? I hope not! So, why are you ‘cheating on yourself’ so to speak? I’m interested to hear your thoughts on this! Here’s a story about showing up for oneself, or rather, a lack thereof... My supervisor at my previous job (teaching at a university and working in the open-access English only space). An excellent employee and all-around good guy; this post isn’t intended to pick on him, but rather, to make a point. He arrives at work at 7:45 am, even though work starts at 9:00, and goes home after 7:00 pm, even though he could go at 6:00. When asked why, he says it is simply because he has so much to do. He doesn't charge his company any overtime, especially because they couldn't afford to pay him for all of those hours anyway. I think he takes pride in his work, and how much he works. Thanks to his efforts, his company has maintained their contract with that university for many years, and everyone knows that if he quit, that would be the end of the company, as that university contract is their only real lifeline (pressure!!). Contrary to his work efforts, he doesn't seem to show up for himself at all. He is at least a bit overweight, gets "metabolic syndrome" on his health check every year (that leads to diabetes eventually, amongst other ailments), talks about starting some sort of exercise program but never does, eats all sorts of crap throughout the day, along with sugary drinks, and as a result, is often moody.
2 likes • 5d
@Andy Wallam as someone who has always been rather 'self-centred' (in a good way, one could argue), and health-oriented, I too, am rather baffled. That said, I think a lot of people are like that: after satisfying everyone else, they just want to do something fun, such as watching TV instead of going to the gym. Or maybe some people just need an external threat (such as being fired, failing a course, losing money, etc.) to really put their best foot forward, and have trouble holding themselves accountable otherwise. I know I am part of this group with certain things...😅
Welcome! Please read this first!
Welcome everyone to the Brojo Integrity Army community! Thank you all so much for joining. NEXT STEPS: 1) Please write a post introducing yourself - where you're from, what you're working on, and anything else you want people to know about you. 2) Have a look at the Nice Guy Recovery & Social Confidence course in the Classroom tab. 3) Check out the Membership Upgrade options to unlock the most valuable courses and coaching support. 4) Test out the Virtual Dan Coaching App to get specific support and guidance on your unique goals and issues (you'll be amazed at how much it sounds like Dan). ------ Some group rules to keep in mind: - No solicitation without my approval - do not offer your services or products as posts or private comments to other members - if someone does this, let me know immediately. This will result in a permanent ban. - Keep it respectful and try to help each other out. Disagreement is fine, abuse is not. - This page is exclusively about self-development, so discussions on unrelated topics (e.g. politics) will get deleted. - If anything in this group bothers you for whatever reason, please personally message me and I'll try to sort it out Thanks, and enjoy the community!! Dan
1 like • 5d
Hey Everyone, I've been lurking here on and off for a while, but I think I forgot to introduce myself! 🤣 I'm from Canada originally, currently live in Japan, where I teach English and a bit of chess as well (I've played in many chess tournaments here in Japan). I lived in Colombia and then Brazil back in 2015-2016. I am working on creating my own online businesses, including fitness coaching and a chess YT channel and Skool, hopefully starting soon. Perhaps more importantly, I am working on being a better husband and father. It is all too easy to neglect these areas when we are ambitious and have many projects on the go! My areas of expertise are language teaching / learning, chess and fitness. I am also interested in many things relevant to the community here, including psychology and Stoic philosophy. Overall, I love teaching and learning, and am always trying to increase my knowledge! 😁 I definitely have some 'nice guy' tendencies, though I have gotten better over the years! Cheers! 💪😁
Recognizing action
Today I want to give recognition to @Dana R , @Jason Stobart and @Lawrence Gibson for their continued dedication towards taking bold new actions. They get extra kudos from me for also posting about their efforts here in the Brojo Skool to inspire and support others who are keen to make moves. More of this please everyone :) Thanks guys! Dan
5 likes • 6d
Congrats guys! I'll try to post more as well, especially once I get the ball rolling on my projects. "Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not words." -Alfred Adler
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Tyler Scott
3
42points to level up
@tyler-scott-9955
Areas of expertise: chess, fitness, languages. Feel free to contact regarding the above. FIDE Profile: https://ratings.fide.com/profile/7003048

Active 1h ago
Joined Jun 3, 2025
INTJ
Nagoya, Japan.
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