I had a unique childhood. With that said, I loved being away from home. I got homesick once. We stayed with my aunt for a week each during winter and spring breaks. I was at a sleepover at a friends house. He was my best friend. But, I was sad and jealous that I wasn't at my Aunt's house and my brother was. I felt safe there. I've talked to JT about that weeks ago. I truly felt safe and protected from everything. My friends mother called my auntie. She drove all the way to pick me up in the dark during an ice storm. My mum probably would have just said, you'll be fine, see you tomorrow and be done with it. We probably wouldn't have seen her anyways because of work. My aunt lived 14 miles away from my friends house, and my mum was only 2 miles away. When i look back at that, I see the love that my aunt had for me. Branches of trees were breaking because they were iced up. The next morning, branches were all ice. Even trees fell down because of the ice. My auntie drove 14 miles each way for me. My mother would have stayed at whatever bar or guys house she was at. Sweet memories. LOL Sometimes I feel that I was not loved as a kid. However, I WAS loved. My mother would say it, but my aunt showed it. My mother died in 2020 (not covid). Towards the end, we started to learn more about each other. She held grudges, and I tried to help her not to. I would say, "The other person doesn't feel it and goes about their day just fine. Why let yourself get so worked up and hateful. It's only impacting you." She held a grudge against my aunt. I don't know if it was related to helping my grandmother get an apartment after I called elder abuse hotline as I heard over the phone, 1400 miles away at that time, my mother's husband yelling and cussing at my grandmother. My gram ended up at an apartment of her own, and she blossomed. My mum and her husband stunted her. To see the love grow even more was a special thing to see, sadly it was very late in life. I think my mum had a grudge against my aunt because their mother and my aunt showed me love. My mum bought things, rather, gave us money while she was at the bar and let us go alone up to the main street to go to the shops while she drank with her buddies.

Just finished my first section of Week 1 and realized something I've been missing for 60 years: the exhaustion that hits me when I try to work isn't laziness. It spikes on the exact days I'm bracing for conflict. The eggshells I walked on as a kid are still running my nervous system. Naming it changes everything.