Grief is something that I didn't really recognize before coming here. And I'm finally trying to understand and process it now, at the fresh age of 41 lol. I've been dancing since I was 3 years old. In the last 1 to 2 years, I've developed health issues that greatly affect my ability. I thought that I was going to have to quit. But, it's such a part of my identity, I'm afraid that I won't know who I am without it. So, I've just been pushing on, while beating myself up inside for feeling not good enough. After rehearsal last night, (which ended with me face planting into the floor as a lift fell out, after I already had to take a break due to my spinal injury), I spent some time with myself. And I grieved the dancer that I was. I'm not sure that I've actively done this yet. Perhaps I have done some subconsciously, but I don't think that I have really fully done it consciously. And I still need to work through it more. But, I'm glad that I finally recognized that I need to fully grieve it, so that I can start to accept the dancer that I am now.

📅 Daily Check-in - July 8, 2026 💭 Reflection: "I forgot to do my check in this morning, again. Imagine that. lol So, I'll give an update as of now, which is 5:15pm. I went and had physical therapy with my back. We are going out of town tomorrow until Monday, so in panic mode as we try to get everything packed, and prepared. I tried getting us started yesterday so that we don't always have the last minute rush. All I can say is I tried. lol I think My wife and son have their clothes together. I have everything except which shirt and which ties my wife wants me to wear so I can pick out my socks. LOL A small win for me today was I said "no" to my dad. He asked yesterday if he could come by today to do laundry. I said yes, 10:30 will be perfect. He agreed. Backstory (Jim's Twin has it all, so how I handled was proper). Anyways, at 11:35 he calls me and asks if he can come over and do his laundry. I said, "No. We agreed on 10:30. It's after 11:30 and now it's being used". He said he was sleeping. I didn't really say much back. We said our goodbyes and that was that. About an hour or two ago, my brother tried calling me. He only calls me when he needs something, or is looking for dad. He was probably calling to chew me out for not letting dad do his laundry. There is a laundromat down the street if he needs it that bad and can't wait until next week. We had agreed months back, 10:30am on Thursday. He'd call at 1:00 and ask if he could come do his laundry and I begrudgingly said yes. Basically, I didn't want my wife to come home and her father in law be in the house. When I was not self employed, After working all day, I'd come home and her parents were either in our house, knocking on our door, or calling as soon as I'd walk in the door. So I understand how she would feel. Anyways, my small win is I said, "no". Jim's Twin said to me, "Shawn, you said no. To your dad. After he blew past the time you set. That's the exact muscle we talked about in The Bridge, the one that scares you. And you did it. "