I,very been thinking again about my morning ritual, and my evening ritual. I notice how , after a life of assuming I was at the effect end of life ...that I can be at the cause end of life. I had learned in my 12 step groups, my books, the courses I've done to be a Creator, not a Victim, but ending it in my mentality and embodying it in my self have been harder. I react against systems, even when its me implementing the system. Which seems dumb, but my distrust of being told what to do extended even to my own self chosen changes. My morning routine has slowly changed in my time in Brojo, its less a self berating session, and a constructive self management and self esteeming process. I'm currently practicing clearer reflection in the evening, as my end of day ritual had always been berating and castigating self. Now its learning and reflection. These structures are tweaked and refined, and are finally becoming something that seems to produce a measure of contentment, learning, and feeling better in the world. I know theres things I'm drawing on like factual reflection and learning are part of the 3X modle, somme of my morning Journaling, meditating, and movement I implemented after doing the morning ritual course. All the guidance has helped me make these things comprehensive enough, and simple enough to make them workable. I get lost if I try to go to big, and be to rigid. Doing a practice tgat has structure, has positive feedback, and is manageable chunks works.

Hey, everyone! I found that there is not a single statistic online about which actions are most effective in helping people pleasers/"nice guys" change their patterns. Not therapy or coaching itself, but the actual actions people take in real life. There are many separate articles, personal stories, and Reddit discussions, but I couldn’t find a single proper summary with aggregated results. So I went through 100+ different sources and aggregated the practices people pleasers most often reported as genuinely helpful. Which one (or which combination) do you personally find most effective? I'd appreciate it if you could share. It might not even be on the list - your own tools, that's fine. TOP 10, sorted from most mentioned to least mentioned: 1) Boundary setting & saying No Explicitly saying no, limiting favors, defining what they will and won’t do, and holding those limits even when others push back. 2) Prioritizing own needs & self-respect Consciously asking: “What do I want or need?” and choosing actions that protect energy, time, and self-respect instead of automatically prioritizing others. 3) Dropping toxic or one-sided relationships Reducing or cutting contact with manipulative, exploitative, or chronically one-sided people; keeping closer relationships with those who reciprocate. 4) Honest expression of opinions & preferences Voicing real likes, dislikes, and disagreements — even in small situations — instead of automatically agreeing to keep the peace. 5) Limiting availability & matching effort Not always being “on call,” replying less instantly, and matching other people’s level of investment instead of over-functioning. 6) Tolerating guilt, discomfort, and rejection Allowing guilty or anxious feelings after saying no or asserting needs without immediately trying to “fix” the discomfort by people pleasing again. 7) Self-awareness of patterns, triggers, and motives Recognizing when, with whom, and why the urge to please appears — fear, trauma, shame, approval-seeking, self-image, etc.