The mirror principle just clicked for me. My insomnia isn't really about sleep. It's my body still standing guard after years in churches with abusive leadership. I've been calling it a sleep problem for 15 years, but it's actually a vigilance pattern that doesn't yet know it's safe to rest.

@Jim Ebbelaar , if you only knew. But all I can say is thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You are (deep breath😅) helping me FREE the 8 year old (and younger) Cathy who hid in basement to stay alive. Who was told "I wish you'd never been born" Who was told over and over to smile during the abuse. Who was sent to her room when she was "too much". Aka, trying to connect. My body exploded end of last year.. I was already struggling just to keep afloat but was... And I almost died. Yes I was in MASSIVE, UNDENIABLE physical pain. But guess what? It was almost Christmas. So it wasn't "about me". And I almost didn't go to the hospital. Even though I was CLEARLY in pain..like groaning from it etc. My appendix had burst. And spread to intestines I didn't know. I was SO USED to shoving myself down and away that I blamed it on cramps..even though I couldn't keep anything down or stand up straight. And even with THAT, I almost let the trauma kill me. I literally heard my "family" saying "oh get over yourself. You're just wasting everyone's time" LUCKILY, someone ended up coming over and they straight up said Cathy this isn't right. You NEED to get checked out.. I am not used to that. I've literally only ever had the OPPOSITE from my "family". And long story short I did end up going to ER.. thought it was kidney stones.. and was told I need emergency surgery and I almost died. And even AFTER the surgery it was awful because my blood pressure was so low they couldn't really give me pain meds. So there I was.. by myself on Christmas, literally fighting for my life. And STILL getting texts asking where my daughter's presents are etc. As if THAT was the priority.. And the fact is, I spent Christmas by myself. I had a moment of truth where I literally HAD to let IT ALL GO..or I wasn't going to make it. And after I did that, I felt this IMMENSE peace. I realized no attachments matter, because the REALITY was, I could die right now and I'd be by myself. I had worked SO HARD to have plans for Christmas with another family so I could actually have a family Christmas etc.