I have advised the moderators of Skool…. This chap is a frequent flyer for sending these messages….

Day 5, we were asked to summarize our final report in our own words rather than to share the summary by Sage. Here goes mine. I have great difficulty starting projects where I basically am having to build from a blank page, but I learned that my creativity is alive and well when I have a container, like a website template. Apparently ADHD brains struggle with task initiation under conceptual ambiguity. The quote was "You don't need more discipline. You need a container." I understand now why I struggle so desperately to deal with the mundane tasks of life which frankly can't be ignored without creating damage. What explains that is that my brain is wired for novelty and meaning. My boredom signals that I'm not getting enough fuel to engage for my particular dopamine system. So I can stick with something and be extremely efficient as long as the right conditions exist. It is not true that I am incapable. I believe there might be something in my astrology also that I simply can't "all in" get into something unless it has meaning for me. My childhood memories are quite rare. What I thought were memories were actually what my mom had filled in when I asked questions during our occasional slideshow sessions. The few of my own that I did report fit into the categories of sound, story, and soul-to-soul connection. The pause I have been in for the last few years has been almost devoid of those three things, so it should not be surprising that I am struggling with even wanting to be here. Growing up with an unpredictable narcissistic parent and a dad that stayed out of the way because he realized I would be harmed even more if he showed attachment to me rather than total devotion to my mom, I learned to scan a room, predict what might be coming next, and then I would decide whether I wanted to perform to be pleasing or disappear to be safe. If I read the room incorrectly, there were consequences. So my survival radar kicked in then and has never really turned off. This explains my exhaustion.