Are you Ready for a Reset?
A few nights ago I was standing in my living room with my teeth clenched and my shoulders up around my ears, completely overwhelmed by something that, on paper, was not a big deal. A messy room, loud kid just a normal evening really. But it didn't feel normal, it felt like everything was too much, too loud, too chaotic and too close. My chest was tight and my brain was doing that thing where it can't land on a single thought. Just spinning through everything, and underneath all of it, the familiar voice. You can't cope, you're failing. Something is wrong with you. That was Then. This morning I woke up calm. Not performing calm. Not holding-it-together calm. Actually settled, clear and present. It is the same life, same house and same responsibilities but a completely different experience. Nothing on the outside changed between then and now but what changed was inside. The other night, my body was in survival mode, completely flooded and from that state, I couldn't think clearly. I couldn't access the part of my brain that solves problems or stays patient or makes sense of things. All I could feel was threat and overwhelm and the certainty that something was wrong with me. This morning as I was settled, everything looked different. I could think and I could see solutions that were invisible to me two days ago. I felt like myself again. I was the same woman with the same brain and the same life but I was in a completely different state. We think the answer is to try harder, be more patient, get more organised, fix ourselves. We think if we could just become a better, stronger, calmer version of ourselves, things would feel easier. But what if the calmer version of you isn't someone you need to build from scratch? What if she's already in there, and she just needs your body to stop running in survival mode long enough for her to come through? Because that's what I keep learning the hard way. The version of me that handles things with grace, who stays present and steady and clear, she's not a different person. She's me on a regulated day.