Day 5, we were asked to summarize our final report in our own words rather than to share the summary by Sage. Here goes mine. I have great difficulty starting projects where I basically am having to build from a blank page, but I learned that my creativity is alive and well when I have a container, like a website template. Apparently ADHD brains struggle with task initiation under conceptual ambiguity. The quote was "You don't need more discipline. You need a container." I understand now why I struggle so desperately to deal with the mundane tasks of life which frankly can't be ignored without creating damage. What explains that is that my brain is wired for novelty and meaning. My boredom signals that I'm not getting enough fuel to engage for my particular dopamine system. So I can stick with something and be extremely efficient as long as the right conditions exist. It is not true that I am incapable. I believe there might be something in my astrology also that I simply can't "all in" get into something unless it has meaning for me. My childhood memories are quite rare. What I thought were memories were actually what my mom had filled in when I asked questions during our occasional slideshow sessions. The few of my own that I did report fit into the categories of sound, story, and soul-to-soul connection. The pause I have been in for the last few years has been almost devoid of those three things, so it should not be surprising that I am struggling with even wanting to be here. Growing up with an unpredictable narcissistic parent and a dad that stayed out of the way because he realized I would be harmed even more if he showed attachment to me rather than total devotion to my mom, I learned to scan a room, predict what might be coming next, and then I would decide whether I wanted to perform to be pleasing or disappear to be safe. If I read the room incorrectly, there were consequences. So my survival radar kicked in then and has never really turned off. This explains my exhaustion.

Hi all! I've been participating fully energetically through the week. The first day, was a little frenetic over the tech and my inexperience with Skool. (And it turned out I have two accounts, which didn't help!) I was also both skeptical and willing/enthusiastic. What I've brought here is a New Yorker with a very long Massage Therapy, Holistic Bodywork and Well-Being Strategies practice. It is set to not only renew bodies physically and energetically, but also deepen your relationship and presence with the yours and the intelligence that runs through it. I'm also a long-time singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist. For years, I'd heard people talk about their ADHD and casually say, "Ah, I can relate to that." Then, about 1-1/2 years ago, I took it more seriously and did a lot of research and self reflection. I still have not been diagnosed. But I am fairly sure that's my reality. So far, this week has been an amazing opportunity. Thank you, Jim and everyone participating.