Intro · Sovereign Souls Strategy 1111

Flory Fuller

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4d • General discussion

Intro

Hello everyone

I have been following

@Tina Woods

posts on Dafree group for a while and have learned alot about surviving in narcissistic relationship.

I felt this is familiar and been normalised in my life since I was little. My mum has been showing this, I felt no emotional connection with her, in fact I was dad s girl, but he wasn't home long enough since the culture I grown up into, man go work and women stay home looking after children.

I found this was normalised in my life which didn't like, as i felt like my dad socialising, business orientated and being free to do what he enjoys.

Seems to be i have attracted what I ve seen in my house, and married a man as good girl for my mum and dad, they wanted the best for me, they could see this man loved me and that was good enough. I could see red flags, I could see things I wasn't ok, uncomfortable 😅 but I have searched for support and I got or found books to read about how to love your partner. Read the 5 love language which helped me keep the peace in the house. I found one thing my husband liked was a verse from Bible when " women submit to their husbands" and this i ve known since my childhood, was spoken in church about it alot and was clearly everyone followed.

I found this questionionable and I always liked to challenge people about this especially as I could see some would accept abusive behaviour, abusive languages.

When I first met my now husband, I went to his house a few times and I could see how he speaks to his mum: "shut up" that was my 1st red flag and in fact I challenged it straight away...why do you talk to your mum like that? I never spoken to my parents disrespectful, or I would have got smacked 😅 ha I guess he felt comfortable to do so. Then his dad would cook and everyone would have to be out of his way, dont touch as he hasn't finished doing his things. I felt tension in the house. Yet my parents didnt know or see any of it. I didnt know how to back away...I had 2 years to consider if this is the family I want to marry into.

I have found I was easy listened and maybe I have challenged them. After I was married I had my first 2 children they helped me recover at times and even gave me a day a week support. As soon as I was pregnant 3rd time they have said i need a nanny they cant help anymore, things i was very uncomfortable with...I was aware I should have had contraception...but my husband didnt like it so I said to him if he wants to educate anyone to do it to his son not me. When I said I didn't want to be pregnant again I felt like I had to submit and be a good wife like my parents thought me too. I am from a large family so for me was ok to have more children but it wasn't easy and I felt I can't manage...I gave up my dreams to be something or do my career. I felt like I was shrinking alot I was a mum now and gave up even asking something I wanted to do. I tried going back to work but got called to come home as he can't cope with the kids on his own.

3rd time pregnant I had alot of issues with financial situation since I wasn't working, my husband wouldn't allow me to spend money unnecessary. I was very good, watching myself. He lost his job during this time and I encouraged him to apply for a job that was temporary and that might become permanent if he gets on. He did it and was proud of him, but was hard work as he didnt really trust himself, doesnt like change. 8 months later I lost the baby. I had experienced grief and all the negative spoken over me through the year was triggering me and I got angry with everyone, I didnt allow my inlaw to come over, they were starting to show signs of break up, during this time they actually breakup, she went cheating with another person.

This was starting to affect my relationship now, my husband has become very insecure as he was feeling threatened if i would do the same. He would check on me where I would go, how long I would be...I had to have therapy and was speaking to alot of people trying to recover from the stillbirth. Through this I was slowly discovering I was holding some other trauma from my childhood but I was scared to touch it in my therapy. I was ashamed and embarrassed to share with anyone as my mum was shushing me, she didnt like people to know about me suffering, or me doing things, so people dont judge or criticise me. I know she was trying to protect me...I had moments when I was expressing myself on my Facebook page. And she would tell me to not put everything there...she was right in one way but why was she embarrassed with me...she told me I lost the baby because of my sin in the past. Because I had sex before I got married which was sacred in a Christian home to be a virgin as no man would marry you. This made me wanna die when it happened as I believed every word and has scared me. When actually that man has abused me, taken away from me and was manipulative as well, I dont know how I end up in relationship like that...I attracted this too long.

During my recovery from stillbirth I got pregnant again during 6 months. I was resentful towards my husband now but also very scared i would experience another loss... I didnt want this to happen but he no way listened to wear his condom. I didnt like conflicts, or upset him as I was scared of him getting angry at me especiallyregarding sex. I felt I had to submit and when I had conversation with my mum, she would tell me to forgive him and let him be as that's what men are like...as if its normal to accept it and get on with it. But then it got harder my son was very anxious, from begining he didnt like him, he was very sensitive, he would cry and not settle with him. I had to deal with him and keep him calm. Since then he always got in between us as he wanted to protect me...my husband becomes jealous on my son, he can't get time with me, I was exahusted I was constantly waken up by my son, he would be crying alot...my husband would tell him to shush, to be quiet and wouldn't know how to deal with him, ask me what does he wants why is he like this...its been hard. I have survived. 3 years of that I was ready to go back to work, but my son anxiety was very hard he didnt like me leaving the house.. I was isolated. My husband couldnt settle him or cope. He would cry the whole time I was out. He would blocke the door so I dont go out without him, my little one was isolating me. Then by the 4th year I got pregnant again. 😅 here comes my last one, very chilled and sweet. My husband relaxed he would be able to help with baby. I had felt relieved for a bit. But my 3rd son started being jealous on him and show anger aggressive behaviour now saying we dont love him anymore, we love only baby. This gone on for 3 years. My son is still controlling but we spoke about it and he understands now, he is highly sensitive and emotional. 5 years later I was able to go to work and even though I still got called home as my husband found it hard to be with 4 at times, he would tell me he isn't the babysitter when he was the actual dad.

For the last 2 years I have learned I am stuck into this cycle of domestic abuse. I studied alot and realised it was this. I was working between people and he was finding it difficult. Asking me where I was, who was I with and so on. He would apologise after especially if he would get angry.

At one point I was believing I was the narcissistic one, as I was ready to leave and I had encountered other men at work telling me this behavior was not ok. I kept talking to people and slowly believing them.

I didnt give him reasons to be jealous until a point when a man from work did contact me in Facebook to talk about how he felt, he was single and I was open to talk about advice but what he wanted sex...and I was not offering this. I have this at home, more then enough. But talking to him was nice as was a different level of emotional, in fact my husband found out I was talking to someone and I explained the relationship that was. In fact I was very honest, there was no way I could lie this as my face would show this... He was jealous and his insecurities became real now. I haven't been with anyone else but speaking with other men I have done and realised this wasn't what I wanted. I needed to connect emotionally with my partner, when this is what he is missing. That emotional connection wasn't there. He is physical, always shows me love through hugs, kisses and so on...but when I go deep and talk about my feelings, or trauma, the things my mind struggles he would say sorry this is too deep I dont understand and would shut me quickly, he doesn't know how to help me or keep that conversation going. I grieved so much on my own, and felt lonely when I tried to process my sadness....he would try a quick fix, a hug and a kiss but this wasn't how my heart work.

When my kids have reached the teens age, my house was very stressful pretty sensory and realised my husband is autistic and struggles with my kids emotional instability as teens can be and needed spaces to feel safe. I had to think of the kids now, he was tired out not sleeping enough and taking his frustration on children and I couldnt take it anymore that's when I had police get involved and had a break of 28 days. Investigations, social services...and so on, early help, all the support in can imagine I drawn to have in the house. My kids were emotionally neglected because my husband wanted all my attention when they needed me now.

So this is why he would be jealous as if i had friends i would be talking with them on a deeper level and have the connections social I needed.

Any way I have waffled alot as my husband would say I talk too much 😂

Thank you for reading so far

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