Super super vulnerable why would I lie too continue a lie that was a nightmare

So being super vulnerable iv hate some actual hate for being honest maybe people don’t understand the 12 years after cancer why I’m only just about too get somewhat better

So after my last operation I was given a medical irrigation and just told too do as much as needed

It got that bad was in out of hospital 10-10 in pain had spoken too doctor and done my videos too go too Belgium too get put too sleep

With no clue how I would get there not knowing I was so so close too death because this is the truth I don’t mind dying I just Neva wanted too do it as I believe in god and don’t want too go too hell

In my head doing it the league way was ok ish id made peace with that part

But little did I know I was only 48 hours from death I truly just Neva wanted too make that choice but wow this is so so so hard but honestly if he would have told me that’s all the suffering I had left I would Neva have started this recovery

Because it’s been the most traumatic experience of my life so much worse than stage 4 cancer but somehow I’m still hear and I suffer so much each day still and I really think that’s why it’s so incredibly important that people don’t think iv lied I mean who would

But honestly adults were screaming at my daughter saying they were gona beat her I don’t live that way and I really don’t want it getting worse for her just because I share my story sharing my story helps me get free from the pain so iv always been against proving my self cause why should I right but maybe it’s time for the hospital notes that state palliative care and actually states in black and white rectel cancer almost impossible for it not too return

So I have too live with that every single day there r even letters just addressing my daughters dad as too what she should do come 16 as could be genetic

Now that in its self should tell u they had no hope

Anyway I’m being super super vulnerable iv Neva faced anything like this I mean who would lie keep up the lie too get more poorly no support for what and how can adults be like that with a child even if I had done something wrong it’s very worrying

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