(Be)Longing to be seen... · The Somatic Academy by Soma+IQ

(Be)Longing to be seen...

I've always struggled with being the outsider and wanting to belong. But at the same time, hating the idea of just being part of the crowd, of conforming and merging into the 2.4 mentality. I grew up in a really unusual way and everywhere I am, I feel I am the outsider, even in my own family. Yet everywhere I go I'm driven to find belonging, and rarely do.

In tonight's workshop (day one of the three day), when we were doing the short breathwork practice, I joined the dots and heard the question in my head 'what would happen if I belonged?', then heard myself reply 'I would disappear'. I instantly realised I've spent my life sabotaging my ability to belong anywhere because I'm afraid I'll disappear into nothing, be no one of importance, a sheep in the flock.

And being the a child of trauma I learnt early on that survival meant being useful, and safety meant being seen.

I always put it down to not wanting to conform to the crowd, but it hit me like a brick tonight, belonging means disappearing. I've held this as a core belief my entire life.

My work now is let this go. I'm leaving space for a new belief, not forcing one. I'll hold this space in my daily practice to welcome in whatever comes next, with love, no more fear!

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