It’s absolutely and completely crippling me, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with. I’m gonna be super open and vulnerable here, and so I do apologize for any rawness or negativity. Growing up, I’ve always been small. Smallest dude in my family. Playing sports I was too skinny. I got muscle, then I was too short. I lost weight from grief, and now I was too short and too skinny. I struggle with really really bad body dysmorphia, and it’s one of the reasons why I rarely send pictures of myself or my outfits here, because of how harshly I judge myself in them. I think the main reason it stems, though I’m no psychology expert, is from feeling helpless, tiny, and worthless as a kid. Growing up with a neglectful, covertly narcissistic dad, I was his golden child. And so love was conditional. I did one thing wrong, silence for days. My family, they had titles for us. And so desperately I wanted to be seen. To have something that separated myself from the rest. Whether it was athletics, music, anything, I was desperate to be seen for who I was, instead of an extension of my dad. I was so sick and tired of being ignored. Being told my reality wasn’t real. And being gaslit. And having seen and experienced a lot of physical abuse myself, and being powerless to stop it, and stop it against those I love, hurts me too. My stepbrother and I were both physically picked on by my dad. And when my stepbrother hit his growth spurt and grew to six foot two, he got left alone and my dad stopped hurting him. But I stayed the same height, and size, and where I was. And so it didn’t stop for me. Now this was long ago, and I escaped it. I stood up to him finally and built a life for myself. I’m safe now, and away from all of it. But it still hurts me. And honestly it stems in this insecurity about my height. I’m the smallest guy I feel no matter where I go. The gym. Church. Church especially. There’s this mold for how guys are supposed to look like. And they’re always tall. I don’t mean to sound like a victim saying this. But it’s frustrating feeling like you won’t be someone’s first pick.

I’ve mentioned this before. Harold used to say colors, like music, has so much more depth when harmonized not simply coordinated (matched). Likewise patterns can be combined as long as some essential rules are followed: larger stripes on tie with patterned shirts along with a suit that reads mostly solid from a reasonable distance. Worked on both of those skills assembling today’s OOTD. I still can spot a guy wearing a Harold’s Tie even if that tie is at least 30 years old. Their color and patterns were simply not as common as many stores. Today’s tie is a Harold’s tie in a moss green with a burgundy and gold with cream stripe. Coupled with an Oxford two tone blue tattersall against a white background some guys might be restrained to mix this combo. ( irrespective of the fact God mixes greens with blues daily in nature). But this combo overlain with the light grey with charcoal fancy stripped 1997 MTM suit consequentially combines tree bark (suit) with a mossy creek (tie) and clouds with deep and light blues (shirt). As seen in nature, these colors are harmonized daily. In other words this color and pattern harmonizing is typical of the training I received by Harold over 40!+Years ago and have been practicing since. Rest of outfit: new Polka dot green pocket square Pantherella merino OTC socks 1993 AE shell cordovan brogues in British Tan 1940’s Ernest Borell watch

I have wanted to wear my new ivory chinos for awhile, so I paired them with my blue sport coat, purple Charles Tyrwhitt dress shirt and burgundy Allen Edmond tassel loafers. My socks were somewhat of an eggplant color from Calvin Kline and my burgundy belt was from Anson Belts. My shoes are new-used from eBay, and my shirt was thrifted. I think it worked!