On being a man · Brojo: Confidence & Integrity

On being a man

Something I've been struggling with for some now, as silly as it might seem to some, is, what does it mean to be a man?

What is masculinity really?

Is it just having the physical bits? I would say not. Regardless of what you believe in regards to what people "identify as" or what they've done to modify their bodies, its irrelevant. If you are a man (or a woman) and something happens to your junk, hypothetically, its blown clean off.. you are still a man, right?

Now, I know thats not how it works. If your junk aint functioning right, you are gonna feel like less of a man (and again, same goes for a woman) regardless. But, you aren't, right?

So what does it mean to be a man? Most people would think of things like, being aggressive, taking the lead and being a leader, being strong (physically and mentally), wanting to provide, etc. But does that necessarily mean women are the opposite? I would say not. So can you really say these things are masculine?

Now, I have always been male. I have never identified or felt differently. I do not experience any gender dysphoria, or for that matter, body dysmorphia. Therefor I cannot say I understand what its like to feel that. But I cannot define what it means to be male other than, of course, the body parts.

Now, certain other websites with men who purport to support other men being men, etc, seem to have often more conventional definitions of masculinity which I find a bit unpleasant. They are all about, man be strong, man take care of woman, man make money take care of all things. etc. (caveman speak intentional). At the same time I do believe there are in fact physical and mental differences, but theres a lot of fluidity there and nobody fits all the stereotypes perfectly.

This is all complicated for me. I've never had any issues with people and their sexuality or identification I believe we should all love each other and be ourselves. I have an assigned at birth daughter who is now almost 21 and is in the process of gender reassignment. I love them to death (teen years were hard though..) I still find it hard to refer to them as he. I take their word for how they say they feel they are male. But this muddies my idea of what it means to be masculine.

Myself, well, I've already admitted to having some ED issues. This makes me feel less like a man. In fact its devastating, and I've never thought that would happen or be so important to me, until it happened. But also, all my life, I have moments where I sometimes have slightly feminine manerisms. Usually this is when I am around other people who are LGBT. I think sometimes gay people think I am gay when I am not. I don't mind that.. I just have to let them know. :)

So, what is masculinity? In a way that is not toxic, like assuming a man shiould just "suck it up" and "be a man"? Like, in not suppressing your own emotions just to seem strong? Or working yourself to death out of some obligation to the world?

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