I wish I found this (and that it existed) 25 years ago when I was dating and I had no clue what I was doing. When I was actively looking for girls, I was terrible at it. Couldn't work up the courage to ask someone out, and couldn't follow through on opportunities as they came. Several girls came and went that I could have gotten somewhere with but blue it. Froze up. Mental ED before I could get myself somewhere physically. Its a wonder I ever made it to first base with my wife. Now after 25 years we are in a bad state. It probably is not salvagable. But I am not going into this thinking it can be saved, because regardless I have to fix these issues with myself. Pretty much everything she has complained about is succinctly covered in Nice Guy Syndrome. Other things that I do are described by autistic traits, that I never knew about until recently, like masking, and other things. And so we've been on this rollercoaster of, I can be "good" for a short time, weeks or months, but then I fall off. And shes understandably tired of that and can't do it. What I am finding though is that it seems like those up times are the times when I am trying so hard to be a good husband, good father, etc and be attentive to all their needs etc but it takes so much effort that I cannot maintain it. So, during those times, am I just being fake? covertly manipulative to keep everyone happy? Wearing a mask and hiding all my traits that I dont think anybody will like (the nerdy, autistic side of me)? Is it the case that maybe she actually only ever liked the fake me and not the real me? I know I have these nice guy bad habbits, thats not up for debate, and I need to fix that. But it seems like whenever I try to implement that, it just makes things worse. Also, in additon to the psychological issues that lead to ED I beleive I've had a physical ED issue probably all this time as well. I was recently tested for low T and I am borderline for clinical treatment (but just above what insurance would have covered). I think I have probably been low or up and down for my whole adult life, which has lead to situations where I can't perform. She thinks I was intentionally witholding sex but I dont think I have.

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Over the last few months, I have been pushing myself to sing at a local open mic night. I have been told I have a good voice and encouraged to continue. One person has been pushing me to go further and enter Britain's got Talent. I feel on the surface that I can do that, but I cannot seem to make myself record the video I need to do so. I make excuses and justify my reticence with time, work and caring for my Brother, but I know in my heart these are false. I am finding so hard to go for this opportunity to showcase my talent, and I think it is down to that thought that I don't deserve to succeed. I want to feel the confidence of having pushed my edge. But it is TERRIFYING!!

Hey everyone It's been a hell of a weekend. Brojo.org was temporarily down, now resolved , which also means my dan@brojo.org email address can receive emails again. I'm hoping to have this resolved soon.(EDIT) I've also been banned permanently from Facebook. Not really sure why but I am sure there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even set up a new profile (face recognition prevents it). So my Groups and Pages on there are probably going to have to die slowly because I didn't think to set up a back-up admin, and Messenger obviously doesn't work for me anymore. If you need to contact me, please use WhatsApp +420605446442 I'll keep you all posted on developments thanks! Dan