Comment below by calling your shot for this week: What healthy, value-based action do you commit to doing this week to improve your life? And how did you get on with last week's commitment?

So in my deep dive into narcissism (I probably spent the better part of the entire weekend listening to videos and podcasts while driving) I've learned about the typical lifecycle of a narc relationship: 1. Love bombing / Idealizing 2. Invalidation 3. Discard 4. Hoovering In a relationship, this is probably easy to understand. But it occurred to me that I am doing essentially this same cycle with every project or idea that I have. I typically fizzle out after a few weeks to a few months when I start something new. At first inception of an idea, I get really excited about it. Its new and shiny. I love the idea, I have an immediate idealization of what it could be, and that sticks in my mind. As I begin to work the idea, I will quickly start invalidating it. Has this been done before? Is it just a stupid idea? Is this a waste of my time? Will anybody else care? Can I even do it? Do I have the energy or discipline to even really start on it in ernest? Often times I will get discouraged and just drop the idea right there (discard). Maybe I get started on it for a while, and then drop out. Could be days. Could be months. I've found 3 months is often the max for things I get really going on. But, I never let anything go. I'll pick it up later. This is the hoovering, where I suck the idea back into my head, if not into action again.. and the cycle repeats. With relationships, this is really toxic. With projects, its at best, not productive. Of course the reasons behind it differ greatly. At least, for me, I don't think I'm doing this intentionally or out of some deep seated trauma based insecurity. I'm simply not disciplined enough or confident enough in my ability, and that of course, gets worse the more times I dont finish something I started. But the analogy helps in my mind. For instance, at the start, I should not permanently snapshot the idealized version. I should allow that to evolve as I go and learn. I should not invalidate myself unecessarily. I should not discard things, although, an intentional "I'm shelving this for now" is acceptable because hey you can't do every single idea (I can't anyway, there's too many).

Comment below by calling your shot for this week: What healthy, value-based action do you commit to doing this week to improve your life? And how did you get on with last week's commitment?

I'm going to help someone be fine on the inside too. Here's what that looks like for him: He pitches an idea at work. Boss says "Thanks, but we're going a different direction." He shrugs. Walks out thinking about lunch. No replaying what he should have said. His mate calls. "Hey, can you help me move on Saturday?" "Sorry man, can't this weekend" and puts his feet up to watch the game like he'd planned. Doesn't check his phone once to see if his mate's pissed. Wife asks how the casserole is. "It's a little salty," he says. She scrunches her face for a second. They start chatting about weekend plans. No walking on eggshells. At night, he sleeps like a baby. Here's how it works… Our brains get stuck in loops trying to keep us safe… by managing OTHER people's emotions. Planning what to say. Rehearsing how they'll react. Replaying what already happened. But managing everyone like that? Impossible job. So naturally we get stuck (and exhausted). Turns out, the antidote to the stuckness is to be Shameless… Then it goes away fast. Because your brain quickly figures out there was nothing to manage. The looping that used to last days shrinks to hours. Then minutes. Then it just stops. Most of my clients feel that shift in their first week. I've worked with a lot of guys who looked fine on the outside. 30 of them left Google reviews. All 30 gave five stars. I told them to be honest. Of course, "being your shameless self" probably sounds terrifying. It was for me.

Comment below by calling your shot for this week: What healthy, value-based action do you commit to doing this week to improve your life? And how did you get on with last week's commitment?