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Mental Load Basics
624 members • Free
7 contributions to Mental Load Basics
3d •
habits for emotional fortitude
Don't really know if this is suitable place to be asking this but didn't know where else to ask. When the anger about little things I do get directed towards me, I feel really hurt and become silent (a really bad emotional response I've developed from young when people direct anger towards me because I grew up thinking silence meant safety) which makes it really hard for me to be present with my partner in those moments and in moments when she's going through a really tough time, it can lead her to think I don't care about her. Just wondering if anyone had any advice for me on how to break free of this emotional response or suggestions in habits that I can implement to build stronger mental fortitude to be able to brush aside the anger directed at me and help me focus on her in those moments
1 like • 8h
I can understand your response in the moment as retreating into silence, given your experiences earlier. Would it be possible to, once the emotion of the moment is lessened, just label this for her. Like hey i realise at moments like this I tend to go silent. Its a kind of automatic response bc of how I learned to deal with things earlier. But I want you to know it's not bc i dont care about you or what you're saying. ? I know for me I'd be able to deal a lot better with silence if I know it wasn't just ignoring what I was saying.
Oct 6 •
Fair play cards conversation
We had our second attempt at the fair play cards yesterday. We got through all the daily grind cards. It was tense. We tried not to focus on who does it now, or has done it in the past, look at who can take it on going forward. Being honest, I found it really hard not to compare the piles, whether I or my husband was taking on more than the other. For the next time I would change how we go about it. I was picking up each card and starting the conversation about that task and who would do it, then I'd place the card down by the person who is taking it on... and that ended up then feeling like I was doling out tasks to him which is something we really want to get away from.. next time I want us to take turns leading. Any tips from others who have already done it?
Oct 5 •
Day 2- 21 Day challenge
Physical - pulled up old flooring and put into trash Cognitive thought about the air quality and dust flying around, realized I would need to put cats in a different area so I could keep the windows open and bring their littler box down Emotional- respond calmly when our child really struggled upon me flushing the toilet rather than them, and being kind and compassionate in that moment.
0 likes • Oct 6
Physical: dusted and vacuumed the bedrooms Cognitive: thought about which of our planned meals used the most fresh ingredients, to make first and reduce the likelihood of fresh ingredients going bad Emotional: supported our daughter to be more assertive in asking for help during gymnastics class
Oct 3 •
Day 1 (21 Day Challenge)
Share 3 things that had to be thought of first before they happened today 1. School lunches 2. Appointment change 3. Contacting home owner to make alterations
2 likes • Oct 3
1. What we were going to eat for dinner 2. Collecting a package 3. School homework
Feb 5 •
Whats the conversation you aren't getting past...
Every home that is struggling with equality of invisible labor has a conversation they are struggling with that takes on different flavors, which one are you struggling with the most?
1 like • Sep 19
My requests of 'I need to take on more of the invisible load' get so often countered with his 'well I need more physical affection ' and lead to a sort of competition of whose needs aren't being met
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