I feel clamer as i type this as tho' something has altered and i don't feel a pressure weighing me down. after many many months (more likely years) i have finally heard what my wife means, this wasn't via an argument but a few facebook reels via messenger leading to me following Zach and watching the Do-Better Loop video on youtube (subscribed to the channel there too). Wow how many times have i been on that endless loop! Even this morning when i was taking down some outdoor christmas decorations, splitting some wood for log burner i went defensive when critiqued about the mess and the real need for more wood split, that remained after i'd put the illuminated Stag, Doe and Fawn away for another year. In the video above there was a new language, jargon my 61 year old (almost) ears didnt quite understand, but i did get the gist and saw my self descirbed to a tee. I have had a coverstation with Tracy my long suffering wife about first steps by organising a weekly (Boring) meeting. She, during the converstation said that she doesn't need to know all about the how i'm going to change, just that i need to finally do so. She also said that she has recently come to and understanding via menopause podcasts how physically and emotionally she has changed as eostrogen and progesterone are now much deminished which means her emotional buffers have vastly reduced. So today i begin a journey of change, one step at a time and take ownership of my role as a husband, home owner, equal invisible labour user in the hope i become the man, partener i should have been all these years. any advice is welcome and thanks for looking at this post.

Hearing for first time? Have the book, gathering dust? Started, stopped Read a fair amount, haven’t implemented cards Had 1 talk with cards, and never revisited? Revisiting consistently

Every home that is struggling with equality of invisible labor has a conversation they are struggling with that takes on different flavors, which one are you struggling with the most?

Usually when I get defensive I am unwilling to feel or communicate one of my emotions. Which of these do you think is the most common one that causes you or your partner to get defensive? Anger- Shame - Guilt - Fear - Lonely - Sad - Hurt -

Why do I lie about stupid things. I will be asked a simple question like did you do this and I will immediately say yes when in reality I know I did not. I will recognize that I lied realize I am wrong and still defend the lie, like it is a joke. Eventually I will tell the truth because I am a bad lier and the quilt devouers me but at that point I have already defended it like it's the truth, that it's hard to tell if it is or not. Right as the person is believing me I tell the truth crushing the trusted bond that we had. Its extremely annoying and hard to come back from. Every time I take a step forward I fall right back and repeat the step sending me right back to the beginning. It's hard looking into the persons eyes that you love the most and realize they won't ever trust you the same again, who would. I know the only thing to do is to be honest and if I tell a lie to immediately own up to it. To any believers how do I continue in a life where I will do good and change my ways for a little maybe even an extraordinary long period of time just to know I am not going to be perfect and I am going to fail again. I don't understand.