I just had one of the biggest realizations of my life. I was watching an Instagram reel of a very attractive girl. Physically perfect — slender, long legs, beautiful body. And as I was looking at her, I noticed something subtle but powerful happening in real time. My mind wasn’t just looking at her. It was immediately shaping my identity in relation to her. It was like the moment I registered her beauty, my mind started adjusting who I am based on what I thought she represented. Am I good enough? Would she reject me? What would it mean if she liked me? What would it mean if she didn’t? And then it hit me like a literal electric current through my body: I’m almost never just looking at a woman. I’m looking at her — and then unconsciously morphing my personality around her. That realization stunned me. I saw clearly that I’ve been afraid to simply look at a woman and like her. There’s this underlying fear that if I just look and appreciate, I’ll get hurt. So my mind immediately jumps in to create meaning. It makes her beauty about me. It turns it into a commentary on my worth. That’s where most of the pressure actually lives for me. Not in the interaction. Not after the rejection. But before anything even happens. The tension is in the anticipation. The expectation of rejection. The fear of shame. The assumption that it’s going to go wrong. The need to perform to avoid pain. And all of that gets activated the moment I perceive beauty. Seeing this in real time was wild. For the first time, I felt what it’s like to just look at a beautiful woman and let that be it. She’s beautiful. I like what I see. End of story. No identity shift. No self-judgment. No story about what it means about me. I can just look at a girl, tell her what I like about her, and thats FINE. Not boring, not weird, not supplicating, it JUST IS. I dont need to hide myself behind performance, I can be relaxed calm and not try to entertain her!!! WOOOOWWW. That feels like a massive shift.

What did the Buddha say to the hot dog seller? Make me one with everything.... Great call guys see next week.

“If every time someone asks you a question, and you try to say the right answer, your entire life becomes is a test. And when did you have the most anxiety in primary school or high school? No question - on test day. So your entire life becomes this test. I ain’t trying to say the right answer, I’m just doing what I feel My mamma said trying is failing, there is no: if’s, would’s, could’s, should’s - it just is, and we just are.” Whether you like Kanye or not, this quote is powerful. I think it applies very well to the theme of this group, though I’d share it with you guys :)

1.20 Saw a woman I felt wildly attracted too. Nervous system reacts “Wow dude you sure you wanna do that??. What if you get seen infront of everybody?. Was at the store. “What if everybody sees me??” The mind screams. I Saw her multiple times, every time I imagined approaching, the ego (mind) said it felt weird and nerve racking, that I would be exposed. Shes going to think im creepy. No wait, Im creeping myself out, Ive never spoken to this stranger in my life, how can she know if im creepy or not. Real=Saw woman was attracted too. Chose not too approach Mental colouring=Everything else Am I close?