What are you actually looking for in a woman? Most men answer this question without thinking very deeply about it. They say something like: “I want someone attractive.” And while physical attraction obviously matters, it’s often the only thing many men consciously evaluate. Everything else gets ignored. The problem with that is simple: attraction is easy to notice, but it tells you almost nothing about the kind of person someone actually is. If you slow down and really think about it, there are far more important questions. Is she disciplined? Is she passionate about something in her life? Is she honest? Is she mature? Does she have a good sense of humor? Does she treat people with compassion and respect? Can she communicate well? Can she handle money responsibly? Does she take care of herself? Can she work through problems instead of running away from them? Does she take ownership of her life? These qualities determine whether someone will be a good partner far more than how they look. But many men never even look for these things, because their attention is captured too quickly by appearance. When that happens, the evaluation stops there. The rest of the person is almost invisible. This is why it’s useful to slow down and question your own attraction. Ask yourself what am I actually responding to right now? If the honest answer is “she’s hot,” then that’s not really liking someone... that’s just physical attraction. And those two things are very different. Liking someone means you’ve observed how they behave. You’ve seen how they treat people. You’ve seen how they handle life. It means you’ve paid attention to their character. Attraction, on the other hand, can happen instantly and tells you almost nothing. Another important piece that people often miss is presence. Presence is hard to describe, but once your mind becomes calmer, you start to notice it immediately. Presence is the feeling someone has when they are truly comfortable in themselves. They’re not trying to perform, impress, or constantly seek validation. They’re just there — grounded, aware, and engaged with what’s happening around them.

Spot how much the mind is resisting To judge is to resist. To not let her be as she is, is not love,.it's resistance. You don't have the right to control her or how she can or should react. So let her be Let her be as she is, this is love... Let her react however she reacts. Let the moment be as it is. Test the moment and see how you react. To see that you are resisting is to take the first step in being okay with what is Noticing your resistance is a huge and underrated step This is where your true confidence or power is.

So as you go through the courses and videos, you'll notice that sometimes you will understand what I am saying and sometimes not. In the same way that as you are out socialising, sometimes you will feel the urge to approach or not, sometimes you will be anxious, overthinking or second guessing everything. Drop judgement of yourself, do that by spotting the judgement. My aim is so simple, maybe it seems too simple, all you have to do is catch yourself overyhinking or feeling confused, catch when you are not in the present. At all times All of this is pointing towards "being" and not "doing" When you think in terms of "doing" you create a split and a separateness from "being" The mind cannot handle just "being" But I promise, that's all you need. Unless you are making practical plans then use the mind appropriately. Use it to plan stuff etc learn from mistakes. All else is "klishta" As you read this, notice where you are, how you are filtering what I'm saying. Notice the sounds around you, notice the silence the sounds come from. Your breathing is shallow or deep. Any inner tension ? Just notice it The silence and stillness is where the gold is. This is what Eckhart tolle calls " the unmanifested" Essentially it's the current on which everything emerges from, thats probably as deep as I will go on that topic but it's important to note, that's also where your "being" is coming from, ultimately it's where everything comes from, it's what is true now. Its the truth of you. Your essence. Before recent modern technological developments, and more ways to become identified with our roles in this world, we would live permanently in this state This was before anxiety and feeling like you are not worthy, not worthy of what? Its not that this essence has changed, it's that we have simply lost touch with it and now most people live from their minds, in time, Once you begin to sense this timeless dimension ( again I know how crazy that's sounds but as you become more grounded, you will have more moments where you also sense it and live through it)

Why is it that so many people understand what they “should” do… yet still feel stuck? Most people assume they lack discipline or motivation. But when you look more closely at how the mind actually works, a very different picture starts to appear. Many of the strategies people use to change their behavior are built on misunderstandings about control, motivation, and the way the brain handles conflict. And ironically, these misunderstandings often make change harder instead of easier. The first big misunderstanding is about outcomes. Most people set goals in terms of outcomes. They say things like “I’m going to stay sober for a year,” “I’m going to be consistent,” “I’m going to become confident,” or “I’m going to get a girlfriend.” But there’s a problem here: outcomes are not actions. Your brain cannot execute an outcome. It can only execute a step in the present moment. (Dr K has an amazing interview with Mel Robbins on this topic which blew my mind) When someone says “I will stay sober for a year,” the mind is trying to control something that exists entirely in the future. It creates pressure, because now every moment becomes a test of whether you are succeeding or failing at the outcome. But the brain doesn’t operate in the future. It operates in the next action. The only thing you can ever actually do is the next step. You can take a breath. You can send a message. You can say hello. You can decide not to smoke right now. This is really really key When people shift their attention from outcomes to actions, something interesting happens. The weight of the future disappears. The mind becomes lighter because it is no longer trying to manage something it cannot control. Another misunderstanding involves motivation. Most people think motivation is a feeling. They imagine motivation as excitement, drive, or emotional energy. But motivation in cognitive science looks much simpler than that. Motivation is largely the ability to hold one thought in mind long enough for action to happen.

Stop for a moment and notice how much your mind adds to what you see. You look at a woman and within seconds the mind has already built a whole story. Attractive. Not attractive. Out of my league. My type. Not my type. Interested. Not interested. Good enough for me. Too good for me. But almost none of this is actually coming from the woman herself. It’s coming from the meaning your mind attaches to what you see. A certain shape of a face, a smile, the way someone dresses, and suddenly your mind connects it to your value, your confidence, your future, your sense of being wanted or rejected. If you slow down and really look at this, it’s strange. Why would the shape of someone’s face have so much power over how you feel about yourself? Why would a stranger’s reaction determine whether you feel worthy or not? The answer is that your mind has learned to attach meaning and status to appearances. It turns simple perception into a measurement of your own value. But when you start noticing this process, something shifts. You realize that a lot of what feels so heavy in dating isn’t actually coming from women at all. It’s coming from the layers of interpretation your mind keeps adding on top of what you see. And when those layers start to loosen, interactions become lighter, more human, and far less tied to the idea that someone else’s face, reaction, or approval determines your worth. As an excersize, when you see a woman you find attractive, before you have time to create that story or before those feelings start to take over, get into that gap just before and watch what the mind adds, be like a cat watching a mouse hole, or be like the student waiting for the master to come home, be alert and be ready... see what the mind does, you just have to see it and then see how long you can remain present to it... Joe