I feel clamer as i type this as tho' something has altered and i don't feel a pressure weighing me down. after many many months (more likely years) i have finally heard what my wife means, this wasn't via an argument but a few facebook reels via messenger leading to me following Zach and watching the Do-Better Loop video on youtube (subscribed to the channel there too). Wow how many times have i been on that endless loop! Even this morning when i was taking down some outdoor christmas decorations, splitting some wood for log burner i went defensive when critiqued about the mess and the real need for more wood split, that remained after i'd put the illuminated Stag, Doe and Fawn away for another year. In the video above there was a new language, jargon my 61 year old (almost) ears didnt quite understand, but i did get the gist and saw my self descirbed to a tee. I have had a coverstation with Tracy my long suffering wife about first steps by organising a weekly (Boring) meeting. She, during the converstation said that she doesn't need to know all about the how i'm going to change, just that i need to finally do so. She also said that she has recently come to and understanding via menopause podcasts how physically and emotionally she has changed as eostrogen and progesterone are now much deminished which means her emotional buffers have vastly reduced. So today i begin a journey of change, one step at a time and take ownership of my role as a husband, home owner, equal invisible labour user in the hope i become the man, partener i should have been all these years. any advice is welcome and thanks for looking at this post.

We had our second attempt at the fair play cards yesterday. We got through all the daily grind cards. It was tense. We tried not to focus on who does it now, or has done it in the past, look at who can take it on going forward. Being honest, I found it really hard not to compare the piles, whether I or my husband was taking on more than the other. For the next time I would change how we go about it. I was picking up each card and starting the conversation about that task and who would do it, then I'd place the card down by the person who is taking it on... and that ended up then feeling like I was doling out tasks to him which is something we really want to get away from.. next time I want us to take turns leading. Any tips from others who have already done it?

Share 3 things that had to be thought of first before they happened today 1. School lunches 2. Appointment change 3. Contacting home owner to make alterations

If you’re open to it I’d love to hear what your family looks like too?

Physical - pulled up old flooring and put into trash Cognitive thought about the air quality and dust flying around, realized I would need to put cats in a different area so I could keep the windows open and bring their littler box down Emotional- respond calmly when our child really struggled upon me flushing the toilet rather than them, and being kind and compassionate in that moment.