Usually when I get defensive I am unwilling to feel or communicate one of my emotions. Which of these do you think is the most common one that causes you or your partner to get defensive? Anger- Shame - Guilt - Fear - Lonely - Sad - Hurt -

I feel clamer as i type this as tho' something has altered and i don't feel a pressure weighing me down. after many many months (more likely years) i have finally heard what my wife means, this wasn't via an argument but a few facebook reels via messenger leading to me following Zach and watching the Do-Better Loop video on youtube (subscribed to the channel there too). Wow how many times have i been on that endless loop! Even this morning when i was taking down some outdoor christmas decorations, splitting some wood for log burner i went defensive when critiqued about the mess and the real need for more wood split, that remained after i'd put the illuminated Stag, Doe and Fawn away for another year. In the video above there was a new language, jargon my 61 year old (almost) ears didnt quite understand, but i did get the gist and saw my self descirbed to a tee. I have had a coverstation with Tracy my long suffering wife about first steps by organising a weekly (Boring) meeting. She, during the converstation said that she doesn't need to know all about the how i'm going to change, just that i need to finally do so. She also said that she has recently come to and understanding via menopause podcasts how physically and emotionally she has changed as eostrogen and progesterone are now much deminished which means her emotional buffers have vastly reduced. So today i begin a journey of change, one step at a time and take ownership of my role as a husband, home owner, equal invisible labour user in the hope i become the man, partener i should have been all these years. any advice is welcome and thanks for looking at this post.

If you’re open to it I’d love to hear what your family looks like too?