I know we have all been commenting on each other's posts, giving insight s. Sharing humor etc. I am unable to join the 6 week program and mentally fell into a bit of a rut and I started telling myself some negative stories. I was feeling a but sorry for myself and was just going to drop off the radar as everyone was going ahead and leaving me. I reflected on how I felt during the challenge and connecting with this community. and it felt so good to have a space where I felt seen & understood and that I was not alone. I know a connected with a few other people that I communicated with via posts etc Suggestion: Maybe we can start a message thread to stay connected in the community, check in etc. Hoping to make some lasting connections.

Yesterday I saw a client I had been assisting. Our workplace has changed so we don't see people very often and generally offer advice not assistance. That change in itself feels like it is cutting me down. He was really appreciative and I felt weird after - that anxious fear of doing something wrong that sits in your stomach. I did not do anything that should be considered special. I just used my skills and treated this person as a person. I have very little in person human contact beyond work colleagues and superficial interactions.I also don't receive appreciation in person often.I do hear it over the phone but I think that is easier for me to regulate through. I just wanted to cry - in part at what the world has become where we treat each other so badly. Does this resonate with anyone? Insights as to why? How not to feel like this? Because it was not nice. AuDHD if that helps.

So one of my things is to figure out who I am behind the masks. I struggle with being kind to myself and am currently running low on empathy at work. This morning when I woke up I started the day with a guided meditation and hypnotherapy recording on kindness ( from yoga download) - before my stretching, outside time and shower. I ended the day with a smile and feel more connected to others. Good feeling

I have a brother who is three years older than me and growing up I always got blamed when we were fighting even though he started it. He dropped out of high school when he was 17 and left home, so my parents helped him with money, which I think was fine. The thing is, he kept getting money from them as long as they lived while I got almost nothing. Since I was a child, I have been very responsible with money, choosing what to buy or not, while my brother could always ask for more. He chose to work part time because he didn't really want to work. After high school I got an inflammatory bowel disease and was surviving in a job with low pay for ten years, since I couldn't cope with stress. After learning how to better handle stress I went to university, to get a better paid and more interesting job. All this time, I did not get any financial support from my parents. University is free in Sweden, and you can get student allowance, so I could survive. In elementary school, they did our class an experiment with a couple of pupils with disabilities, a lot of rowdy boys and then a group of girls and a couple of boys who were supposed to be nice and quiet and to manage on our own without asking questions. That was a disaster of course, especially when you have a lot of energy that wants out. So, I learned to be quiet and to behave. But inside I died a little. After nine years I started high school with new people and was shocked when I got very popular and could start crawling out of my shell. After this, I have found myself bit by bit and let the little creative rebel out again. My mother once told me that my brother couldn't cope on his own, while I could. I never understood what my mother meant, and she passed away a long time ago. My brother started a family, and his son has been diagnosed with ADHD. His daughter is sure that her father also has ADHD and now that I know more, I am sure of it too. I'm also pretty sure my mother had it, so maybe she felt that my brother was going through the same struggle. While I was wearing all these masks to hide behind.

I made it through my work day and could still move around and do stuff after work for the first time since I started this job. I'm not sure if it's the massages, the stretching, the new morning routine, or the combination of all of them, but I'm glad that I made it through the day with a lower amount of pain