It's never too late to realize

4d (edited) • 🏆 Wins

I have a brother who is three years older than me and growing up I always got blamed when we were fighting even though he started it. He dropped out of high school when he was 17 and left home, so my parents helped him with money, which I think was fine. The thing is, he kept getting money from them as long as they lived while I got almost nothing. Since I was a child, I have been very responsible with money, choosing what to buy or not, while my brother could always ask for more. He chose to work part time because he didn't really want to work. After high school I got an inflammatory bowel disease and was surviving in a job with low pay for ten years, since I couldn't cope with stress. After learning how to better handle stress I went to university, to get a better paid and more interesting job. All this time, I did not get any financial support from my parents. University is free in Sweden, and you can get student allowance, so I could survive.

In elementary school, they did our class an experiment with a couple of pupils with disabilities, a lot of rowdy boys and then a group of girls and a couple of boys who were supposed to be nice and quiet and to manage on our own without asking questions. That was a disaster of course, especially when you have a lot of energy that wants out. So, I learned to be quiet and to behave. But inside I died a little. After nine years I started high school with new people and was shocked when I got very popular and could start crawling out of my shell. After this, I have found myself bit by bit and let the little creative rebel out again.

My mother once told me that my brother couldn't cope on his own, while I could. I never understood what my mother meant, and she passed away a long time ago. My brother started a family, and his son has been diagnosed with ADHD. His daughter is sure that her father also has ADHD and now that I know more, I am sure of it too. I'm also pretty sure my mother had it, so maybe she felt that my brother was going through the same struggle. While I was wearing all these masks to hide behind.

It was only last year that I started thinking that I might have ADHD and after reading a couple of books on the subject, especially about girls with ADHD, I am sure of it too. It wasn't easy and I turned 60 before I realized it. Now with the fantastic help of Jim Ebbelaar, I have been crying with the realization that all the things I have been fighting with is my ADHD. I'm not broken!

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