A quick gauge on attempting a strong opening demo clip

Hi Guys, I'm beginning to test a few demo pieces and wanted to get some feedback. Earl said that the first clip in your samples should be a strong one, with a little punch. The next one softer, then softer and back up. I had an idea for this one as my first heavy hitter but I'm curious if it's way too much. First off, I know it's longer than 10 seconds, but give it a listen and tell me if it's strong enough or am I completely missing the goal by not using my normal speaking voice. At any rate, I'd be interested in other thoughts.

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