The Golden Fish https://vimeo.com/1148304224/534211b0e3

Intelligence is within all beings, but not all beings are aware of the intelligence within them. Intelligence is consicousness. Intelligence is awareness. Intelligence is information. Intelligence is energy. When the beings are confronted with a consciously aware being (intelligent being), they may feel the threat as inferiority and they may experience the threat as intimidation or they may even experience the threat as an attack. They recognise intelligence but they may shun intelligence in another being because of how the intelligence in another being makes them feel about themselves. They may even feel exposed in the presence of that intelligent being. Intelligence can only threaten those who are not thinking for themselves.

Judging myself is a pattern my older brother has noticed for a long time and it's one of the only things I feel as I turn a blind eye to while still being aware of it. My thought process goes in loopholes of negative thoughts that I label and identify with it and usually I cry to it rather than rage about it since I found a long time ago that rage didn't help in nothing ( fck I just judged myself LMFAO) its something Im starting to catch on to but it feels terribly hard to endure and the self belief I have in me is none. Thoughts come of other people around me and how I find all the bad things in them and get mad at them but at the same time I am conscious that its only my emotions going haywire so that hatred or whatever resentment toward that person or something is turned instead inward to not take action on my ego/emotions. Example: may feel bad toward a little thing said from my girlfriend and I feed into that so much unconsciously that I get to a breaking point where I wanna end the relationship outta nowhere or instead shit on myself on how I'm useless for letting such little thoughts or allowing myself to become so affected about it ( all of that only happens in the mind and maybe you'll see me rocking back and forth pouting like a 12 year old in silence ) then. I cry. Nothing happens and I move on. But all of that is nothing efficient- since that sole example is to demonstrate how I struggle with thoughts and it takes my whole energy and day away leaving me what people call it depressed. I'm fully aware of how I'm judging myself yet I can't seem to find a way to stop it because I have to admit it also feels good to ruminate. I don't expect a solution but this is my lowkey way of asking for help on how to stop this. The only time's I don't pay attention, move on or simply don't have negative thoughts labeled as bad is when I'm High. Yeah idk what else to say lol much love to everyone.