warning: MAJOR yap session ahead: well brothers, i must say that it’s been a crazy ride for me. i’ve been progressing great, moving far from who i was a few years. but i have to be transparent, i don’t feel like it. in my religion, it’s customary for 18 year old men to serve a two year proselyting mission. i turn 19 in march and haven’t left yet because i was suffering through some mental stuff. i didn’t know if i wanted to go, and more importantly i was mentally breaking down almost every day. i could barely get out of bed some days, and i struggled HARD. every mistake i made, and id choose to spiral. to be honest, my self esteem and image was at an all time low. and also… i hadn’t left because well, i was hoping to try fixing the relationship with my family. now i turn 19 in march. i haven’t left yet, and while im almost finished, and ill have my paperwork submitted in a few weeks, its likely i won’t leave until may or even later. and honestly while im trying not to spiral, and thankfully i haven’t suffered any major panic attacks or spirals for a long time, im still angry and stressed at myself. im an ambitious person. i have dreams for my future. i want to become a business owner and a creative architect. i’m an artist. im a writer. i’m a fighter. i write stories, i play and write music, and i have an artistic and creative vision for what i want to make in the future. i have scenes, aesthetics, cultures, and a vision for the types of films i want to design in the future. i’m a music producer and a singer putting together an artist portfolio. i love music, and want to integrate it as part of my life too. to deal with stress i train to lift weights. i eat healthy, work out, and practice muay thai and spar. i take cold showers and meditate. and the thing is, while i have vision and ambition, im just a lazy dreamer without the proper dedication, knowledge and discipline to place it. it’s why im majoring in entrepreneurship in college when i get back, and also i know that the skills and discipline learned from a mission can place me on that path.

Been flying across the country yesterday on a business trip. I’ve got today off before I head out tomorrow morning for the last leg of travel. I’m happy to be a bit warmer today. -5 yesterday when I left and 75 when I finally got here. Woke up with this amazing view out of my hotel window. Reminds me of how lucky I am to be in such a great country. Hope you all have an outstanding Saturday!!