Most people who struggle with assertiveness have the same misunderstanding: they think being assertive means becoming a selfish prick who dominates people, hurts feelings, and starts fights. That misunderstanding is exactly what keeps them passive, resentful, and powerless, because if the only two options seem to be aggression or submission, most decent people will choose submission and call it ‘kindness’. Assertiveness is neither aggression nor surrender. It is the ability to stand up for yourself without trying to control anyone else, and without allowing anyone else to control you. It is how self-respect becomes visible in real life. The point of assertiveness is not dominance. It is self-respect. It is the ability to say, “I will not allow myself to be moved off my values just because someone else is uncomfortable, manipulative, intimidating, or disappointed.” That is why assertiveness and self-worth are so tightly linked. If you repeatedly betray yourself to keep other people happy, you teach yourself that your own needs, feelings, and values are less important than social harmony. Over time, that becomes low self-worth. Self-worth is not just how you feel about yourself in the shower after listening to a podcast. It’s built by how you treat yourself in moments of pressure. Do you back yourself, or do you sell yourself out? Do you speak when it matters, or do you disappear? And yes, assertiveness also gets you more respect from others, although that should be understood properly. You cannot make people respect you. Some people are too selfish, damaged, manipulative, or immature for that. However, when you respect yourself consistently, you get the maximum respect that is available from the people around you… If you prefer written content, click here to keep reading the full written version on Dan’s blog. Or click on your preferred option below - Watch on YouTube - Listen on Soundcloud - Listen on Apple Podcasts - Listen on Spotify

Hey guys I have a bunch of ideas and previously created videos about things that are not strictly related to Nice Guy Syndrome and building confidence for people pleasers. I want to keep my Brojo youtube channel, podcast and community focused on this topic, so I've created a separate channel that I'm calling Underneath The Mask where I can talk about more advanced and mystical topics regarding psychology, the mind, manipulation, and how we are controlled and conditioned and programmed. If you're keen to check out this kind of material, subscribe here: https://www.youtube.com/@danmunromask First video re-released today

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Nice guys destroy relationships in ways they think are healthy. They think that love should be enough, being easygoing makes them attractive, and staying calm or rational during conflict makes them mature. But what actually happens is: - attraction dies, - resentment builds, - communication becomes fake, - and eventually their partner emotionally checks out. I know this because I used to do it all the time. Girls kept losing interest in me after 3 weeks of dating, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was so easygoing, funny, comfortable to be around. That’s good, right? They were really into me at first, then a pattern would emerge: they’d reject sex, then I’d get ghosted or text dumped like I meant nothing. I felt like I was doing everything right, when I was actually doing everything wrong. My reliance on my understanding of love just lead to covert contracts and hidden resentments, my agreeableness made me bland, one dimensional and boring. When I did stand up for myself I was insecure, overly rational, and trying too hard, which just gave off little boy vibes rather than mature man energy. No wonder it wasn’t working! In this podcast – a live streamed workshop – we’ll discuss the three critical mistakes nice guys make in relationships, which they mistakenly believe are healthy. These include: - thinking love is enough to avoid setting boundaries, - being overly easygoing to avoid conflict, and - defensiveness during arguments. We’ll explore how these behaviours lead to dead bedroom relationships, resentment, and a lack of genuine connection. We will look at the importance of setting boundaries, expressing preferences, and being non-defensive to foster healthier relationships. We’ll also highlight the need for emotional range and authenticity to maintain attraction and deep connection… If you prefer written content, click here to keep reading the full written version on Dan’s blog.

Most Nice Guys and people pleasers think their problem is that they’re too kind, too generous, too thoughtful, too compassionate, too selfless. But what if that’s not actually true? What if your problem isn’t kindness at all? What if the thing you call kindness is actually control? That’s a brutal idea to sit with, especially if you’ve built your entire identity around being a “good person.” However, if you’re willing to look honestly at yourself, this realization can completely change your life, because there’s a kind of narcissism hiding inside many nice guys and people pleasers. I am not talking about the loud, arrogant, flashy narcissism everyone talks about online. I mean a quieter version: a more socially acceptable version. A version that disguises itself as generosity, empathy, and helpfulness. The strange thing is, the people trapped in this pattern often genuinely care about others. That’s what makes it so hard to spot. You’re not trying to dominate people by intimidating them. You’re trying to dominate people by pleasing them. You’re constantly trying to manage: - how people feel - how they see you - how situations turn out - whether everyone is okay - whether anyone is upset with you - whether you’re still viewed as a good person You become emotionally exhausted because you think you’re responsible for everything, and underneath all of that is what I call the Inept God Complex. Check out the full podcast episode below: If you prefer written content, click here to keep reading the full written version on Dan’s blog. Or click on your preferred option below - Watch on YouTube - Listen on Soundcloud - Listen on Apple Podcasts - Listen on Spotify - Listen on Amazon Audible