Top 10 Practices That Help Nice Guys Worldwide · Brojo: Confidence & Integrity

Top 10 Practices That Help Nice Guys Worldwide

Hey, everyone! I found that there is not a single statistic online about which actions are most effective in helping people pleasers/"nice guys" change their patterns. Not therapy or coaching itself, but the actual actions people take in real life.

There are many separate articles, personal stories, and Reddit discussions, but I couldn’t find a single proper summary with aggregated results. So I went through 100+ different sources and aggregated the practices people pleasers most often reported as genuinely helpful.

Which one (or which combination) do you personally find most effective?

I'd appreciate it if you could share. It might not even be on the list - your own tools, that's fine.

TOP 10, sorted from most mentioned to least mentioned:

1) Boundary setting & saying No

Explicitly saying no, limiting favors, defining what they will and won’t do, and holding those limits even when others push back.

2) Prioritizing own needs & self-respect

Consciously asking: “What do I want or need?” and choosing actions that protect energy, time, and self-respect instead of automatically prioritizing others.

3) Dropping toxic or one-sided relationships

Reducing or cutting contact with manipulative, exploitative, or chronically one-sided people; keeping closer relationships with those who reciprocate.

4) Honest expression of opinions & preferences

Voicing real likes, dislikes, and disagreements — even in small situations — instead of automatically agreeing to keep the peace.

5) Limiting availability & matching effort

Not always being “on call,” replying less instantly, and matching other people’s level of investment instead of over-functioning.

6) Tolerating guilt, discomfort, and rejection

Allowing guilty or anxious feelings after saying no or asserting needs without immediately trying to “fix” the discomfort by people pleasing again.

7) Self-awareness of patterns, triggers, and motives

Recognizing when, with whom, and why the urge to please appears — fear, trauma, shame, approval-seeking, self-image, etc.

8) Reframing beliefs about worth & approval

Building self-worth internally instead of relying mainly on validation, approval, or being needed by others.

9) Journaling & written reflection (in the group as well)

Writing about interactions, resentment, fears, and boundaries to recognize patterns and practice healthier responses.

10) Nervous system regulation & grounding

Using breathwork, grounding, somatic techniques, cold exposure, etc. to stay regulated instead of automatically going into a “fawn” response under stress.

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