Men are carrying a load that's unnecessary. We tend to hold ourselves to an unfair standard. It may be arbitrary or simply it's just too far ahead. We set goals Stay busy the old way Think we aren't making progress And then summarize that we can't So we don't How fair is that? What the heck were we thinking? We change nothing and expect everything. If it repeats it's not a problem - it's a pattern. We all know the word Accountability. Truth is - it's not even a choice whether we will become accountable. We get the results, but results vary. For me there came a time 2 years ago when I had to decide if I was going to change my actions. Because of drinking I'm now heavier than I want to be because it's the outcome of the decisions I have made along the way that put me here 30 pounds heavier due to my actions. These (grabbing my gut) are FAT POUNDS. But I wanted MUSCLE POUNDS. I always wanted to weigh 180 pounds. Wouldn't you know it, I made it. I just didn't get the results that I desired. My focus was not in the right place. I took the wrong action daily. ACTION - THE ACCOUNTING I drank more beer I drank it more frequent I began to like the social me I found beer friends I risked everything for this life RESULT - THE ACCOUNT I went through tired phases I got more tired and then it was perma-tired This social me was causing me to make bad choices Those friends were the wrong ones I had a few near misses with disaster It helped me grow larger (in the wrong way) Physically I became lazier too We are accountable now, like it or not. But are we making moves? Are we clearing space in our day to allow room to insert the new thing. We must take steps on the things now that work us toward our goals. Matt mentioned on the call this week, the importance of not looking at outcomes. He's right, we need to be acting instead of postulating. Yes, planning is part but action is everything. This is all just a matter of what we are doing today. Accountability is quite positive. We tend to view accountability as a policing measure. Someone must be held accountable!!!! Yeah, in the actions - not the results. If we're just looking back - that's not accountability. That's just reviewing RESULTS of all the actions that were taken in which got us to the problem. It's not motivating, it's not positive. By it's own nature -- it's actually very negative. That's ok - negative is good in it's rightful place. It belongs on the review board. It doesn't belong on the planning board - most definitely NOT on the daily motivation board. We can't just keep reminding ourselves of failure and think we are going to improve. What are we doing? We're actually playing the wrong game! And this game sucks.

https://substack.com/@eppic888/note/c-249127598?r=8acb68&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action

I'm not exactly sure where to put this one... I'm gonna drop it under "purpose and direction" because that feels closest to me... I just wanted to share this quote that I always come back to. I first heard it hears ago, and I still have this book on my to-read list, but I recently put it back to the top of the list. I haven't dug around here enough to get a sense of the political climate or tone (my honest hope is that we're leaving that at the door), regardless I know it might rub some, but if you peel back the words the author chose and dig into the sentiment behind it, it's pretty potent regardless. This is by Bell Hooks, from her book called "The Will To Change": “The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.” Read it again. Slower. Sentence by sentence. ... ... ... "acts of psychic self-mutilation"... OOOOOFFFFF!!! We are many many many generations deep into this passed-on... I don't know what to call it... hazing... indoctrination... trauma at the very least. Stripped of our right to express or even HAVE emotions, and replacing it all with shame (which... is an emotion to be clear: shame < guilt < sadness). How does it land for you? Too heavy? Fair? Spot on? Has anyone here read the book?

I really enjoyed the group call today because we touched on some important aspects of what stress is and what it requires. Stress and anxiety need attention or we risk losing opportunity to navigate it successfully. There's also a reality that we may lose opportunity to grow which Drew mentioned. Matt reminds us clearly and repeatedly that awareness is needed. This awareness is a personal thing. When we show up for people and situations we have to have a formula (a toolkit) for how we navigate. Showing up is the work that builds greatness and being available to the real work is what matters. Jeff, you sit in a room with us on Saturdays - fostering an environment of mutual openness. What's important here is the 7 that were on the call today. It's not 'it could be 25', but there's only 7. It's 7 that actually stopped their Saturday to be here. The score for your impact is 700. * 700 * wins this weekend. All 7 take 100% of today back to our family and friends, and even to work and we get to use it. That's the result of creating the environment. You want depth anyway, not width. This same reality of going deeper with people we interact with - this is for us all. On the call we are all 100% here and ready to engage and listen. At home we see moments like the call, but we see it in passing. Troy - you mentioned the door being open. That's key in carrying the burden of showing up for others. We don't just stand in the doorway to invite people in. The sales approach happens impromptu when we are interacting. Selling people on an idea and the need to take action is the mission of helping people right where they are. This comes in the form of listening. Tyson mentioned that stress builds and compounds if we let it. This is true. Having awareness can allow us to develop a pattern of working through it. Each of us here have shared our experiences of great things and terrible situations or journeys. We already have those benchmarks of highs and lows even if the benchmark in your mind wasn't your experience, you learned it from seeing it. I believe fully that a reason that we get knocked down and stay down for too long is because we fail to build and keep a tool kit. There's no protocol or tool kit that solves losing someone to suicide. However knowing what is being impacted, knowing how people are affected, knowing where we can insert ourselves to be available and have an impact and help... that's the toolkit we carry to help men grow.

The last few weeks have been a grind. And I've loved every minute of it. Jumping into a new company, helping lead a rebrand, building systems and processes from scratch, getting social media dialed in and ready to launch. That's not light work. There were late nights, decisions without clear answers, and plenty of moments where I was figuring it out as I went. But somewhere in the middle of all of it I noticed something. I wasn't dreading any of it. Most of us have spent time grinding on things that felt hollow. You put in the hours, you do the work, but something's off. You can't name it but it's there. That low-grade drain that follows you home and sits with you at the dinner table. This was different. Because I believe in what I'm building. And when that's true, hard work stops feeling like punishment. It still costs you. Time, energy, mental bandwidth. But it gives something back. That's the difference. A lot of us have forgotten what that feels like. Or we stopped expecting it. We told ourselves work is just work, that fulfillment is for weekends or retirement or some future version of life we'll get to eventually. We got comfortable being numb. We settled, and we called it being realistic. That's not realistic. That's giving up with better vocabulary. You don't need some massive life overhaul to find it again either. It can start with something small. Learning a new skill. Picking up a book that actually challenges you. Starting the thing you've been putting off for six months. The feeling is still available to you. Most men just stopped going after it. Stop tolerating a life you wouldn't brag about. The people you love are watching you. Your kids, your partner, the men around you. They're not just watching what you do. They're deciding, based on you, what a man's life is supposed to look like. What's possible. What's acceptable. Make it worth watching. This life doesn't wait. Go all in on something real.