The "Good Enough" Protocol · ADHD Harmony™

The "Good Enough" Protocol

I had Sage help me create this to deal with anxiety I get around my perfectionism, overachieving and people-pleasing masks so I can learn to mask less and live more authentically when preparing for an event or an activity that I know is going to trigger those tendencies. I thought I would share it here in case it's helpful for anyone else.

The Good Enough Protocol

For any situation where perfectionism, people-pleasing, or overachieving show up. The underlying fear these masks protect against: that being visibly imperfect in front of others will cost you something (love, belonging, respect, reputation as the reliable one).

Phase 1: Pre-Load (2 to 3 hours before)

1a. Define "good enough" in writing. Before your in-the-moment brain can move the goalposts, write: "This is a success if ____." Keep the bar stupidly low. Think minimum viable, not maximum impressive. The perfectionist brain will try to raise it on arrival. Your pre-written version overrides the in-the-moment negotiation.

1b. Write three permission slips. Out loud or on paper. Tailor to the situation, but some evergreen ones:

I have permission to reference notes, pause, or say "let me check"
I have permission to let others do their part without my control or rescue
I have permission to be visibly uncertain without apologizing for it

1c. Nervous system prep (10 minutes). Short version of the reset: 20 jumping jacks, 2 minutes shaking,

10 physiological sighs. You're getting ahead of the cortisol, not chasing it after it spikes.

Phase 2: The Threshold (on arrival, before it starts)

2a. Brief the other humans, don't download to them. If other people are involved, give them one clear job, not a full summary of your plan. This solves the "they don't know what I'm doing" anxiety by redirecting you from managing their experience to defining their contribution.

2b. Handle the uncertain logistics first. Whatever physical or practical piece you're unsure about, do that first. If it doesn't fit or work, you have time to adapt. If it does, one anxiety loop closes before you even begin.

2c. Anchor phrase. Pick one short line and say it internally before you start. Some that work:

"I only get one life. I'm allowed to do this imperfectly."
"Good enough is the goal."
"I'm here as myself, not as a performance."

Phase 3: Live Anchors (during)

3a. Notes, references, and "let me check" are features, not bugs. Use them openly. Model that capable adults reference things. Hiding the tool to look effortless is the mask. Using the tool visibly is the unmasking.

3b. Body check between transitions. Between segments, conversations, or moments, feet on the floor, one breath out longer than in. Two seconds. This keeps you from drifting into performance mode where your body disappears and the mask takes over.

3c. The plan is the plan, not the upgrade. When the overachiever voice pipes up ("we should also...", "I could add..."), recognize it and answer internally: We're doing the plan. Not the upgrade. The version you prepared is the version you run.

3d. Imperfection is not an emergency. When something doesn't go as planned, the mask will want to scramble, over-explain, or compensate. Instead: acknowledge briefly, adjust, continue. Nobody remembers the fumble nearly as long as you will.

Phase 4: Come-Down (after, non-negotiable)

4a. Sensory reset on arrival home. You know what works for you: hoodie, blanket, low light, phone silent. Even 15 minutes. This matters because your open centers (Solar Plexus, Throat, Ajna, Head) absorbed a room full of other people's energy, and none of it is yours to carry. The reset is how you hand it back.

4b. No self-debrief for 12 hours. Your brain will want to replay every moment and score your performance. Don't let it. The replay happens tomorrow with distance, or not at all. Tonight is not for analysis. Tonight is for coming home to yourself.

4c. One line in the evidence list before bed. Not "how did it go." Just: "I did it imperfectly and the world didn't end." That's the data point. That's the identity deposit. Small, repeated, undeniable.

Why This Works

Each mask gets disarmed structurally, not through willpower:

Perfectionism loses its grip when "good enough" is defined in writing before your brain can inflate the standard.
People-pleasing loses its grip when others have a clear job (so you're not managing their experience) and when debrief is delayed (so you can't ruminate on their perceptions).
Overachieving loses its grip when the plan is the plan, not the upgrade.

The structure stays the same across situations. Only the content changes. Use this for youth activities, family gatherings, meetings where you're on the hot seat, creative events, pitches, anything where these three show up.

The goal is not to eliminate the fear. The goal is to act in alignment with who you actually are while the fear is present, and then gather the evidence that doing so didn't cost you what the mask said it would.

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