Growing up · ADHD Harmony™

Growing up

I always thought outside the box and would come up with ideas that I thought were brilliant.

I would think things out in my head and get really excited that this was going to be great. But then I would say it out loud to my parents and brother and they would say “another hair brain idea, here she goes again”. It blew the wind out of my sails for a short time, and then I would forget and come up with something else.

For years I tried to get my parents to move house and when I would persuade one of them, the other refused to budge. I took my mom on loads of viewings and knew that as she got older it would be better for her to be nearer me and the grandchildren.

I think my craziest idea was that I would build a house in my garden and then they could have a small house that was up to date with everything they needed and I could be there for them 24/7. My daughters and husband just laughed and said “how will they get access to the house”. I told them I would buy land from the nextdoor neighbour and sort out access via her garden or they could come through our house. Ok everyone scoffed at me and it wasn’t the most planned out idea but without further research it didn’t become a thing.

I realised that making them move would be a huge undertaking and with over 50 years of hoarding and my dad’s 60 years of paperwork would not be easy. Also when anything went wrong I.e. the broadband didn’t work properly or the move didn’t go to plan, then I would be in the firing line, and I would be the person who got the blame. So after around 12-15 years of suggesting they move, I gave up.

Moving on a few years when my parents got into their 80’s, I would occasionally hear one of them say (usually my mom) we should have moved years ago!

I dreaded the time when they would pass away and I would have to go into the house and sort through things. My mom passed in July 2024 and I feel very strange about going through her things and she is not there. It just doesn’t feel right. My dad is still living in the house. Most of the bedrooms are unusable because if the clutter. Some of it is my fault and my brothers as when we left home, we left stuff there and never got around to getting rid of it.

I have managed to get rid of a lot of my dad’s work papers and we used a firm who took vans of paper away to shred. Turns out it was just over 2 tonnes of paper…. I reckon there might still be another 2 tonnes waiting to be bagged up and shredded.

I dread the day that my dad passes as it will be a huge job to go through everything and having to deal not only with clearing the house but sorting out the bills and as my dad is a very private person it’s not easy to ask him now what I need to know. I don’t want to involve my brother as he is a pain and he annoys me!

My mom always said to us that when she and my dad pass, that she would like us to move into her house and not sell it. I know that won’t happen as the house needs gutting and I don’t have the money to do it. The house hasn’t been modernised since 1970’s and the upstairs lights don’t work. We have managed to make the kitchen workable and safe for my dad, but the upstairs bathroom is horrendous and none of us would be able to live there in its current state.

Sorry to rant but these things are floating around in my head and its probably good to get it all out!

Maybe in another post I will talk about the loss of my mom as grief is a very strange thing for someone with adhd!

Signing off now. Apologies again for chewing your ears off xxx

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