Day 4 not done. But maybe that's ok.

1d (edited) • ⏰ Daily Accountability Updates

But my win is to realize that I have to accept where I am and some things work and some things don't. So far, I am and feel incomplete. My issue continues to be action and not knowledge. Like a smoker, they know it can kill them and it hurts them and all that, and if they could stop with just more knowledge they would.

I debated even putting this comment in here because I don't want it to look like criticism. The course itself is great for EVERY brain and every human. But for the adhd procrastinator in overwhelm that looks forward to their evenings where they can do chill and wind down things and actually have time for themselves and be temporarily relieved on the days burdens and lack of interesting things, it is not especially working for me.

It seems it is very insightful for many. I am so happy for you all to whom much of this is new.

The ai in day 3 zeroed in on one limiting belief and ignored the rest. I know I have several and I'm clear on many, and probably have others that have not been insightfully revealed, which is why I'm still not driven to finish what I start without willpower.

Using willpower to create strategy so you don't need willpower doesn't work. That has been my process forever. Then the ai told me on day 3 that it wouldn't reframe for me and on day 4 today that I was very clear on what I knew and to look forward to day 5. Ok then. Not helpful. The basic building blocks of change continue to elude me.

Is it easier for people who don't have kids and a mortgage and have sleep issues because of world events and life in general? I never have time for myself except late at night when others go to bed and my only comfort pleasure is late night tv after a long uncomfortable day.

I look for stimulation, as is an adhd thing, and when you don't get it during the day you have to find it somewhere. Making my night boring would make the whole day painful. Why would I do that? I don't just want to be more efficient and productive or even just wealthy and more miserable. I want to be fulfilled.

📊 My lowest Harmony dimension: [which area needs love] = Financial. I'm totally impressed with dysregulated adhd-ers who can make tons of money, still be unhappy, but at least not have financial issues. That is not me. My adhd, and limiting beliefs, stops the financial success. I would love to hear advice from adhd people who still can make so much money. How do you do it?

🌙 Wind-down pattern I noticed: [what you saw in your evening routine] - I know my pattern. I'm tired after a long day and look forward to some alone me time to just release my day. I like to learn but doing that at night would keep me awake and leave me with no down time.

Perhaps watching tv like I did when I was a kid is my way of dreaming, feeling a variety of feelings, being entertained, being curious, exploring ideas, fantasy, and/or tuning down my brain from the worries and shit of the day. I am tired all the time because I have sleep issues with bad dreams and waking up a lot (apnea). It is a cycle of weak motivation driven by unresolved limiting beliefs. I'm human.

🌅 Morning pattern I noticed: [what stood out from your morning routine] - I know what I should do to be better. Knowledge is not my problem. Kids, a mortgage, world events, being tired all the time, "trying" to do better is the problem. Would love to add 4 more steps to my morning (meditate or work out or walk or consistent breathwork, or journal, put my phone in the other room (which has my alarm like most people who live today)). Water is already there. Protein there in morning shake too. Otherwise water is mostly all I drink all day all the time.

🔁 I decided to (not) close my open loop: [because] = Because as I mentioned previously none of my tasks are tiny tasks. I have never heard that tiny tasks like delivering a package or making a phone call is a unique or amplified problem for an adhd mind. This is a problem for humans - procrastinators and people who need to develop better life skills but not especially adhd. At least for me.

For me it's the overwhelm of the big tasks that have so many steps and substeps that prioritizing in overwhelm is impossible. Running a business is agonizing.

I will keep pushing step by step to close the loop because it has to be done but the problem that applies to changing my state (which is totally the answer), is no different than the problem that exists for every other area of my life. Changing that is why I came here.

💭 And it made me feel: [body/emotion impact] = worse! Especially because I won't finish the day 4 task inside the 5 day window because there are no 20 minute activities, and that is just one more thing to fail at.

🤯 What surprised me: [insight about your biology / nervous system] = Nothing surprised me. Knowledge for a big thinking information junkie like an adhd-er who is often highly intelligent just unstructured is not new. I love information and knowledge. I love learning, just more often nothing that pays the bills consistently. Hence the issue on the wheel of financial instability.

I share this only because I know that there are many parts to the 5 day challenge and just because I don't do one or don't finish one doesn't mean I should not do the others. In a weird way it is a win to be able to express myself here because it is one of the activities of the daily challenges. Something is something and that is better than nothing.

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