Day 2 · ADHD Harmony™

Day 2

This reflection really had me back at 5 years old. When my mom passed away I looked through the things she kept for me and that included every report card I ever received starting in kindergarten. The comments I received in my first semester were as follows: “Jamie is a good student. Retention is satisfactory. Is now able to read words. She is gradually overcoming her sensitiveness. Jamie has made many friends and is well liked by her peers.” In the second term I was offered the opportunity to advance a grade and I declined because all of my friends would be on a separate playground at recess.

My teacher’s comments are evidence of the beginning of the masking. If I wanted to keep what was important to me I had to reject what others wanted for me. So I wanted to continue to be seen as smart I had to turn down the sensitivity which today we call empathy and turn up the compliance (though if you look my mother notes my push back on that…still true to this day, you will not get my participation if I don’t feel like it). Enter my perfectionist workaholic. I enjoyed rediscovering who I was as a child. She is absolutely still here under all the masks.

4 comments