Salaam everyone, I wanted to share something personal and get some honest advice from sisters who may have gone through something similar. I’m 22 and currently a student. About a year ago, my family and I were speaking to another family for marriage. In the beginning, everything felt really right; our families got along well, conversations were smooth, and there seemed to be strong compatibility in terms of deen, lifestyle, and interests. I spoke to the mother and the son, and both interactions were genuinely good. There was mutual understanding and attraction, and it felt easy to talk to him. But shortly after we started making istikhara, there was a sudden shift. His parents became inconsistent in communication: calls weren’t answered, messages were vague, and overall it created a lot of confusion and anxiety for us. Despite this, the son still expressed interest and even mentioned moving forward with another meeting. During that time, I kept making istikhara, and internally I started feeling uneasy. By around the seventh day, I felt strongly that I shouldn’t go ahead, so I told my parents I didn’t want to continue; even though I really liked him and had hoped it would work out. Now, over a year later, I still find myself thinking about him. I’ve spoken to other potentials since, but I haven’t felt the same level of connection or alignment. It makes me wonder if I made the right decision, or if I let something good go because of fear or mixed signals. At the same time, I also question whether the communication issues from his family were red flags that I shouldn’t ignore. So I wanted to ask: Have any of you experienced something similar? Do you think this is something I should let go of and trust my istikhara, or could it have been a case of wrong timing? Jazakum Allahu khayran in advance for your advice 🤍

Would you consider a brother who allows his sisters to travel alone with a non-mahram driver a red flag? It threw me off when I found out about it, even though the family is "religious," but this made me uneasy. His father passed away a long time ago, and the girls are more than the guys, with only 3 brothers, 2 working, one in the city I live in and another in the city her family lives in and one studying who also lives in the same city. I am pretty sure they could've managed a way to ensure their safety. I found out that previously, two of the sisters also travelled alone. It has made me consider what I would expect as a treatment from such a potential because I would not be able to trust him or feel safe knowing this, nor in such situations. Is this supposed to be a hard boundary? It scared me because this is something I would naturally expect, but having heard this, I realise not everyone has this as a basic condition like me, especially considering it is not Islamically allowed for a woman to travel alone.

Assalamu alaikum sisters 🤍 I thought I would share my non-negotiables - which is a prettyyyy long list 😅 Maybe some of you sisters can help me shorten or combine them, and maybe others can take some inspo hehe I have divided mine into categories: Non-Negotiables: 1. Deen - He consistently performs the five daily prayers on time. - He attends Jumu’ah every week without excuses. - He does not drink alcohol or use drugs. - He respects Islamic boundaries between genders (no female “friends,” no flirting). - He takes Islam as the primary guidance for life, not culture. - He actively seeks Islamic knowledge. - He has a relationship with the Qur’an through daily hifdh and repetition. - He has gheerah over his family and wife and is not comfortable with his wife displaying her beauty publicly. - He practices sunnah acts. 2. Character - He does not lie. - He is not aggressive or violent during conflicts. - He does not shout, insult, or humiliate during disagreements. - He listens actively and seeks to understand before reacting. - He speaks to me with respect, even when he disagrees. - He takes responsibility for his mistakes. - He has patience and self-control over his temper. - He does not withdraw from discussions for days (no silent treatment). - He is open to advice and constructive criticism without becoming defensive. - He respects that conflicts are resolved privately, not made public. - He shows sabr in difficult situations. 3. Lifestyle - He has no addictions. - He is not oriented toward partying or nightlife. - His life is not centered around social media or seeking attention from women. - He prioritizes productive or meaningful activities over passive entertainment (e.g., movies and series). - He has good personal hygiene and presents himself well. 4. Marriage Roles - He is willing and able to be the primary provider for the family. - He wants children and will be actively involved in raising them. - He sees marriage as a responsibility and an act of worship (ibadah).

I have never truly been in love, though I have experienced crushes and moments of infatuation at times. For a while, I used to feel embarrassed by that, almost as if it meant I lacked experience or had missed something important. But over time, I have begun to see it differently. Now I reframe it as something intentional and meaningful. By loving Allah first, I believe my romantic love and deepest emotional attachment are meant to be reserved for my future husband, in shaa Allah. To me, that love is not something casual or something to be given freely to just anyone — it is an amanah, something precious and worthy of protection. Instead of seeing my lack of romantic love as a deficiency, I now see it as a sign that my heart has been preserved for the right person, at the right time, in the way Allah has written for me. That perspective gives me peace rather than shame. Has anyone else felt the same way?

So my five non negotiables are : 1. To be able to pursue a career and further studies if I want to. 2. That he has not been married before and is not looking for polygamy. 3. That he is Sunni & okay with my wearing of the niqab and to know what his view on it is. 4. Does not plan to move to the west. 5. Does not have any platonic relations with women nor does he shake hands(sudanese salaam). 6. Involves parents from the get go I am impressed I already combined some stuff together. My checklist is: 1. Attractive to me and I to him 2. Masjid prayer and jumuah 3. Alligned vision rooted in pleasing Allah 4. Practical steps towards vision (daily schedule, discipline, consistency, habit building and tracking, education, want to be a husband, son, sibling, relative and father that pleases his creator) 5. Physical stability 6. More emotionally intelligent and mature as well as psychologically mature to be the head of the family 7. Follows halal and haram of his gender (beard shaving, hijab, jumuah, lowering gaze, wearing gold and silk, riba, gambling, substance abuse and addictions, halal food) 8. Mental health awareness, internet addiction awareness (including how he manages both) 9. Parents must also agree to me marrying into the family 10. Daily effort to learn his deen 11. Separate housing 12. Living in the same city as mom This is what I came up with let me know if they need to be audited and need any additions.