@Sadia Riaz Jazakillahu khayran for your kind and comforting words, they really mean a lot to me. ❤️ I genuinely do feel like this is a test at times. Especially when I see others in my family who spoke to someone, felt that mutual inclination, and then it led to marriage. So when I experienced something similar with him, it felt like it was heading in that direction too. At the same time, I try to remind myself that if he felt so close to what I was looking for and it still didn’t work out, then what Allah has written for me must be even better. And you’re right—Allah sees everything I don’t see, including conversations and realities I was never exposed to. That in itself brings a lot of comfort. I think the real trigger for me is when I speak to new potentials and don’t feel any connection. That’s when my mind goes back to him, and the loop starts again. I’ve spoken to people who are good on paper, but there’s just no connection at all. Whereas with him, it felt natural and even better in real life than I expected—so my mind starts questioning: if it wasn’t meant for me, why did Allah place that inclination in my heart in the first place? But I’m trying to reframe that as well—that maybe the inclination itself was part of the test, or part of the process to grow, to learn what I value, or even to deepen my trust in Allah’s decree. May Allah make it easy for all of us, grant us clarity, and bless us with what is truly best for our deen and dunya, and make us content with it. Allahumma ameen 🤍

@A. Mint Mohamed Wa’alaikoum asalaam sis 🤍 Jazakillahu khayran for this perspective, it’s actually something I’ve thought about a lot. You’re right that ultimately the man represents himself, and that parents—while important—shouldn’t be the reason something good is blocked. In this situation, I kept going back and forth on that exact point. Part of me was thinking like you said—that maybe he himself was sound, and he can’t control his parents. Even my dad said something similar, that the boy didn’t tell his father not to respond. For context, I’m from a desi background, and with my two older sisters, the process was a bit different—their parents got involved later, after both sides were already happy with each other. But with this family, they wanted to be involved from the very beginning. For example, the mother spoke to me before I even spoke to him. We respected that and tried to accommodate their way of doing things. That’s where my confusion comes in. I kept asking myself—did I potentially lose a good person because of his parents? But then at the same time, I also questioned whether this was just the system he grew up in. If this is normal in their household, like not responding for days without explanation, then that in itself worried me. Because even if he is good, this would still be the family I’m marrying into. And what made it harder is that despite the lack of communication, they would still say things like “our family is very happy with your daughter,” which felt inconsistent with their actions. I also go back to the same thought you mentioned—if it was truly meant to be, would things have unfolded this way? Would there have been that level of confusion and silence? Especially since when my dad sent a message after we decided not to move forward, the father didn’t respond at all, while the son sent a very kind and respectful message asking if there was anything needed from his side. So I feel like I’m caught between understanding that he may not be fully responsible for his parents’ behavior, but also recognizing that this dynamic is something I would have had to live with. And maybe that itself was part of why it wasn’t written for me.

When guy and I and his parents / family are all happy and are willing to make it work. Also when they communicate well.

I feel like you can’t make a decision based on one conversation. And just in 30 minutes. To decide who you’re going to spend your whole life with. Have multiple conversations until you heart is content (in the boundaries of sharia) and like sister EH said make istikhara. You can’t go wrong with it.

Perhaps you can make a WhatsApp group with one of your male family members in it so nothings goes outside the boundaries of sharia?

@Nadia Najat Estrada Wa alaykum as-salam, thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful advice. I really appreciate your insight and duʿāʾ, may Allah reward you for it. I understand what you mean regarding the madhhab, and it’s something I personally go back and forth on as well. Some people say it isn’t an issue, while others advise that it’s better for spouses to be aligned, especially when thinking long-term and when children are involved—how they’re taught, how certain differences are navigated, etc. Of course, praying next to someone who follows a different madhhab is completely different, and I have nothing but respect for that. I don’t have any issue with other madhāhib at all. However, when it comes to choosing a spouse, I think it’s natural to want harmony and consistency within the home, so that differences don’t become a source of confusion or friction over time. JazakAllahu khayran again for sharing your perspective, it’s truly appreciated.

@Zuhairah Imann B JazakAllah Hu Khairan sister Zuhairah. Really appreciate the feedback and support. May Allah unite us all with the right spouse. Ameen.