I've been at my new job for 3 weeks. Tomorrow, Monday is when we're moving to a split shift roster. I am stressing that our section (powder coating and delivery/shipping preparation) will crumble in my hands and it'll just be another in a long line of failures and reveal the fraud that i think I am. Problem is, I like this job and the people. Just saying it here to get it off my chest I guess.

Another really really big rock that I need in my life is to not let my rsd sensitivities take over my conversations, emotions, reactions and therefore accidentally sometimes my life. 💪🏽 Ok. We might have a harder time with this but if people can still be athletes with one foot and one arm where is my excuse to not take responsibility for my own reactions just because my chemical wiring is a different kind of reliable? Any advice around this? Should I just practice taking punches/advice more often? Every time someone corrects me I hear a character flaw. But I need to reframe this because I get things wrong all the time. I hate explaining/defending myself. Because I am not good at it (yet). What would it be to hear well intentioned or even not well intentioned advice/corrections and choose to respond (or not rather than shut down) clearly and calmly?

If I were to sum it up in a single phrase it would be "Stop trying to prove your own validation to yourself (and others) and give yourself permission to simply exist as you already are" 🫠 Meaning the people you don't have to hide from are already there. "Stop auditioning for the ones who don't care" it said (and I will add or even for who do care but can't get it. ~ like explaining the struggles of curly/straight/thin/thick/hair to someone that never and will be never have it) Our real families and friends don't need us to prove anything to love us Harder done than said but let me try to be authentically brave rather than waste so much time and energy to be "accepted"

Well, it's only March but I guess this year is another one of those self-development dives to learn all about me. I used to like them and be all about them. This year, I really hate it. I think because I now know I cannot "fix" me. I just have to face all my battles with full-on honesty and learn to work through it, I guess. Commitment letter: No self-shaming First big domino: Sleep, but even more than sleep to bei mindful of my energy uppers consuming and when I take since every day is different. I don't have a good dark place for it so for now I am using a sleep mask. Got rid of the other two since I don't need three. Please don't suggest same day in day out routine to a whole host of artists and contractors and creatives whose lives just don't work like that. Waiting for the self-development business coach who acknowledges and honours that especially when their audience attracts a lot of people that are just like this and I've only seen it with Yoga peeps. Cost. RSD and rumination and social anxiety goes way up and confidence and communication goes down exponentionally.

Because I have so many places spinning at once, I knew before Jim even mentioned it, that I would likely have to subtract things from my life in order to pursue what really matters. One of the things I am working on subtracting is noticing and spending time on crap that doesn’t matter or isn’t important enough to rob me of my time and energy. I have had a pattern of letting things bother me that don’t ultimately warrant paying attention to them or trying to fix them. For instance, I ordered 2 yards of fabric but it came to me 2” short. I realized quickly, after feeling frustrated about being “ripped off” that the time and energy to “set it right” was not worth the time and effort that it would take away from something that does matter to me. I talked a bout this with Sage and here are some areas she suggests to look for time/energy wasters: Energy Drains Worth Examining The Correction Impulse (the pattern you already named) - Fixing other people's grammar, facts, or logic (especially online) - Returning low-cost items that are "close enough" - Writing detailed reviews or complaints about minor issues - Re-explaining yourself when someone misunderstood but the stakes are low - Setting the record straight in conversations where no one's mind will change The Justice/Fairness Loop - Following up on small injustices that won't be resolved satisfyingly - Mentally rehearsing what you'd say to someone who was wrong or unfair - Reading comments sections or news stories that trigger your "that's not right" alarm - Feeling responsible for pointing out hypocrisy or inconsistency in others The "Doing It Right" Tax - Over-researching purchases, decisions, or plans before acting - Redoing something that was 85% good because it wasn't perfect - Spending extra time making an email, text, or post "just right" when casual would've been fine - Organizing or setting up systems for things that don't actually need a system The Obligation Drain - Saying yes to things because you "should," not because you feel a genuine pull - Maintaining relationships out of guilt rather than mutual energy - Keeping career "hats" on out of duty rather than desire - Feeling you need to justify rest or creative time with productivity