The more I lean into presence, the more I realize something: Growth isn’t about eliminating challenges… it’s about how you meet them. I just got laid off. And what shocked me wasn’t the event — it was my reaction. For maybe 2–3 seconds, my mind panicked. Then I just… breathed. Felt it. Stayed with it. And that was it. No spiral. No overthinking. No “why me?”. Just clarity: I don’t have a job anymore → I need to find one. That’s it. What hit me after was deeper. Two things immediately tried to happen internally: 1. My mind tried to create a new identity: “I’m a jobless guy now.” 2. It panicked about time: “If I’m not productive, I’m worthless.” And I saw it so clearly — my sense of worth was tied to external structure: - Having a job - Being “on track” - Meeting expectations (parents, friends, women…) But when I stayed present with it… it just collapsed. Because none of it is actually real in the moment. What’s real is simple: - I have time now - I can build my online business - I can apply for jobs - I can invest in my life No extra mental weight needed. And here’s the crazy part… Instead of shrinking socially, I expanded. I expected: “I don’t have a job → I’ll feel less confident → I’ll talk to fewer people.” Reality: - I met another girl and got her number (naturally, effortlessly) - I randomly started playing football with two strangers in the street within 2 minutes - Conversations feel easier - My body feels more grounded It’s like my energy dropped from my head into my body. I literally feel more rooted — like gravity is stronger under my feet. No forcing. No performing. Just showing up. And that’s the biggest shift: I’m no longer adding unnecessary tension to action. Before: Action + pressure + identity = exhaustion Now: Action alone = clarity I still take action. I still improve. I still refine. But the outcome? Not mine to control. And more importantly — not tied to my worth. That used to be something I understood intellectually.

Something clicked for me recently, and it started in a pretty unexpected way. I was doing the dishes, thinking back to a post I had read the day before. Dean was writting about how he went out while being completely sick — no energy, no vibe — and still ended up getting a girl that same night. And instantly, something in me reacted. A very familiar voice came up: “I can’t do this. This would never happen to me. He’s just lucky. He’s been doing this for years. He’s naturally confident, grounded, attractive… I’m none of that. No matter what I do, I’ll never get there.” And behind that voice, there was something deeper: Rage. Hate. Helplessness. When I stayed with it, I saw where it was coming from. It wasn’t “me” — it was a wounded, child-like part that feels completely unworthy. A part that believes that if it were to sit next to a girl it truly likes, it would automatically be below her. That she would reject it, or choose someone “better.” And that part doesn’t just sit there quietly. It drives behavior. It pushes me to chase girls who are unavailable or unrealistic. It keeps me holding onto tiny breadcrumbs of attention, hoping they’ll turn into something more. I even saw how it shows up in subtle ways — like with girls already in my environment. Instead of being direct or authentic, I’d put on a kind of mask. Drop hints, try to position myself a certain way… All with the same hidden hope: “Maybe if I play this right, she’ll finally see me as worthy.” But the truth is — that energy never works. And seeing this clearly was confronting… but also freeing. There’s also a grounded, calm, centered part of me that sees through all of it and goes: “This is not real.” It knows I don’t need to become someone else to meet women. It knows I can meet any woman I want — maybe imperfectly at first, maybe with some awkwardness — but naturally, over time, by just being more present and more myself. And it also showed me something deeper: I’m not here to fix that wounded part.

I just realized something interesting about this new approach I’ve been practicing: it’s slowly building an anti-fragile self. Before, whenever something “bad” happened — like a rejection or something not going the way my mind expected — I would spiral and beat myself up. Now it’s almost the opposite. I actually enjoy the challenge. The more I’m able to stand inside nervousness, fear, or uncertainty and still take action, the more free, playful, and excited I feel. This week for example, I spoke to about five girls. Three turned me down. One I wasn’t interested in so I ended the interaction. One led to a date… which eventually flaked. I feel great nonetheless. Because I realized the thing I’m proud of is not the outcome — it’s the fact that I showed up and acted despite the fear. I did my job. And that feels amazing. A lot of the internal pressure is gone now. There’s still some left, but the big attachments are disappearing. Talking to women I’m attracted to has become surprisingly simple: I walk up, say what I feel in the moment, and let the interaction flow. No forcing, no trying to impress, no over-controlling. Another interesting thing I noticed this week: two situations that could have easily triggered me before. One was with a Tibetan girl I had been talking to — we decided to stop speaking. The other was a girl I had successfully approached who later texted me saying she liked my approach but didn’t feel ready to meet anyone. Part of my mind briefly went: “Damn, back to square one.” But another part of me felt something completely different: Freedom. Because I realized I could go out today, see a girl I like, and talk to her without hesitation. That’s when a deeper insight about growth clicked for me. Growth isn’t linear. It’s more like climbing mountains. The peaks you experience are the result of how well you handled the valleys before them. Life gives you challenges, you integrate the lesson, and that integration shows up as a new peak.

Stop for a moment and notice how much your mind adds to what you see. You look at a woman and within seconds the mind has already built a whole story. Attractive. Not attractive. Out of my league. My type. Not my type. Interested. Not interested. Good enough for me. Too good for me. But almost none of this is actually coming from the woman herself. It’s coming from the meaning your mind attaches to what you see. A certain shape of a face, a smile, the way someone dresses, and suddenly your mind connects it to your value, your confidence, your future, your sense of being wanted or rejected. If you slow down and really look at this, it’s strange. Why would the shape of someone’s face have so much power over how you feel about yourself? Why would a stranger’s reaction determine whether you feel worthy or not? The answer is that your mind has learned to attach meaning and status to appearances. It turns simple perception into a measurement of your own value. But when you start noticing this process, something shifts. You realize that a lot of what feels so heavy in dating isn’t actually coming from women at all. It’s coming from the layers of interpretation your mind keeps adding on top of what you see. And when those layers start to loosen, interactions become lighter, more human, and far less tied to the idea that someone else’s face, reaction, or approval determines your worth. As an excersize, when you see a woman you find attractive, before you have time to create that story or before those feelings start to take over, get into that gap just before and watch what the mind adds, be like a cat watching a mouse hole, or be like the student waiting for the master to come home, be alert and be ready... see what the mind does, you just have to see it and then see how long you can remain present to it... Joe

I was studying Chinese in a coffee shop. There was a girl sitting to my left. Something about her reminded me of a girl I dated back in Tunisia. I don’t know why, but I felt that same instinct in my belly again — that grounded sexual pull. At first I didn’t approach her directly. I asked her for the Wi-Fi because I actually needed it. But the impulse to express myself was too strong to ignore. So I just said: “Hey, you’re cute.” She was immediately taken aback and said: “Wow… you’re very forward.” And that moment was interesting to me because usually when I say something like that, I’m used to getting some form of rejection or deflection. But this felt different. It felt congruent. Not just a timid “hey you’re cute,” but a real expression. So we started talking. She told me she’s into coaching. I told her I’m also into coaching. We talked about traveling, what we do, where we live, little things about our lives. After a few minutes I said: “Nice meeting you, Naomi.” And I went back to studying Chinese. ASKING HER OUT: A few minutes later my phone battery was about to die. And I felt the impulse again — I wanted her number. So I turned to her again. “Hey Naomi, do you live around here?” She said she lives in Griffintown. I told her: “That’s close to where I live. I’m going to take you out.” I said it very directly. And I could see it shook her a bit. She looked at me and said: “You’re just going to state it like that? You’re not even going to ask?” I said: “Yeah. I mean… are you okay with that?” She smiled and said yes. So I said: “Okay, give me your number.” She called herself from my phone and then asked: “What should I expect, a text or a call?” I said: “A call.” And that was it. Later when we left, I gave her a hug and went on my way. And I could feel that it was a genuine hug. Not the polite kind. There was real warmth in it — almost a heart-to-heart kind of feeling. WHAT WAS DIFFERENT: What struck me most about the interaction is that it wasn’t forced.