I was studying Chinese in a coffee shop. There was a girl sitting to my left. Something about her reminded me of a girl I dated back in Tunisia. I don’t know why, but I felt that same instinct in my belly again — that grounded sexual pull. At first I didn’t approach her directly. I asked her for the Wi-Fi because I actually needed it. But the impulse to express myself was too strong to ignore. So I just said: “Hey, you’re cute.” She was immediately taken aback and said: “Wow… you’re very forward.” And that moment was interesting to me because usually when I say something like that, I’m used to getting some form of rejection or deflection. But this felt different. It felt congruent. Not just a timid “hey you’re cute,” but a real expression. So we started talking. She told me she’s into coaching. I told her I’m also into coaching. We talked about traveling, what we do, where we live, little things about our lives. After a few minutes I said: “Nice meeting you, Naomi.” And I went back to studying Chinese. ASKING HER OUT: A few minutes later my phone battery was about to die. And I felt the impulse again — I wanted her number. So I turned to her again. “Hey Naomi, do you live around here?” She said she lives in Griffintown. I told her: “That’s close to where I live. I’m going to take you out.” I said it very directly. And I could see it shook her a bit. She looked at me and said: “You’re just going to state it like that? You’re not even going to ask?” I said: “Yeah. I mean… are you okay with that?” She smiled and said yes. So I said: “Okay, give me your number.” She called herself from my phone and then asked: “What should I expect, a text or a call?” I said: “A call.” And that was it. Later when we left, I gave her a hug and went on my way. And I could feel that it was a genuine hug. Not the polite kind. There was real warmth in it — almost a heart-to-heart kind of feeling. WHAT WAS DIFFERENT: What struck me most about the interaction is that it wasn’t forced.

I’m starting to see that approaching from presence feels daunting for one simple reason: I make every interaction mean something about me. If someone reacts negatively, it becomes: Proof that I’m defective. And this isn’t just with women. Today proved that. The Coffee Shop Interaction : I was studying Chinese in an underground coffee shop. Two girls were nearby ordering pizza. They sat close to my table. I hesitated. Fear immediately surged through my body. But I turned to them and said, “Hey.” They looked at me weird. Like, What does this guy want? I could feel their confusion. In reaction to that I said, “I know this is a bit random, but I think you’re really cute.” She said, “Oh, thank you so much. I have a boyfriend.” And that was it. They left shortly after. Objectively? Totally normal interaction. But what happened inside me is what matters. Right after, I tried to drink my coffee — and my hands were shaking so badly I spilled it all over the table. I literally couldn’t hold the cup straight. My heart was pounding. My body was in full activation. That’s when I realized two important things: 1. I cannot speak and stay in my body at the same time when I’m that afraid. When I talked, I had to go into my head. If I stayed fully present in my body, I would freeze. I was petrified. 2. I personalize their reaction instantly. Instead of thinking, “Maybe she’s shy. Maybe she’s not sociable. Maybe she was caught off guard. Maybe she genuinely has a boyfriend. Maybe it has nothing to do with me.” My mind goes to: That reaction means something about you. But why is saying hi weird? It’s not inherently weird. It’s neutral. It just is. The meaning is what I add. The Metro Freeze : Later in the metro, I had another moment. I thought, What if I just say hi to this person sitting next to me? I couldn’t. I was completely frozen. My mind immediately went: “If you say hi, they’ll think you’re weird. Who randomly says hi in the metro? Nobody does that. That’s strange. You’re strange.”

Something happened that felt like real-time integration of everything I just wrote about in my last post. I left work and went to join a friend. On the way to grab cigars, I saw a girl sitting alone. Immediately, I felt the fear. That familiar surge. The tightness. The hesitation. But this time, I didn’t fight it. I didn’t try to “fix” it. I didn’t analyze it. It was just there. And I walked over anyway. I said, “Hey, how are you?” She said, “Good, thank you.” And I told her, “I think you’re really cute.” She smiled and said thank you. And I was so afraid in that moment that I just blurted out, “I’m pissing myself right now.” She laughed. We started talking. I asked her name. We had a small exchange. Nothing crazy. It lasted maybe two minutes. She was waiting for a friend, I had my friend waiting too. It was simple. But something was different. I was afraid the whole time. My body was tense. There was still a defensive part of me active. I wasn’t perfectly calm or smooth or ultra-confident. But I was present. I wasn’t trying to get anything from her. I wasn’t performing. I wasn’t strategizing. I was just there — with my fear, with her, in the moment. And there was an actual exchange. It didn’t feel like I was talking at her from inside my head. It felt like we were genuinely interacting. Energy moving both ways. It felt real. Light. Human. Throughout the interaction she kept saying, “You’re really nice, thank you so much, I really appreciate it.” And I could feel she meant it. Then something happened that honestly shocked me. As I was about to leave, we fist-bumped. And right before I walked away, she said, “Wait — what’s your name?” That never happens to me. Usually it’s five seconds and done. But this time, even though I was shaking and visibly nervous, she was curious about me. And that hit me. I wasn’t confident in the traditional sense. I wasn’t dominating the frame. I wasn’t “on.” I was scared — and real. And somehow, that felt more solid to her.

Had moments of being in the mind out of the mind, in and out of the mind this week. Approached, asked women out,said no, and on we went. I thanked them, kept it friendly until we parted ways. Totally ok I felt. Normally before I would have felt negative feelings. When I set goals I feel less attached, focus feels different than it did before. I "notice" every day now. "Well wait why do i need to do this"?? I think. The internal resistance drops at that point. I take social interactions less seriously. "Oh thats just my mind talking, thats not actually me". Starting to observe my thoughts when i first wake up in the morning. No wonder I felt so overwhelmed and emotionally frustrated. It was because im thinking about literally 7 different things that have no direct connection to eachother. Hung out with a girl this week, shes pretty cool. Were going to hang out again. I asked out a woman yesterday, after being in my head for an hr. I "noticed" then just started complimenting people wherever I walked, enjoyed the sunshine. As i continue walking, see this beautiful latina girl. If I associate a name to any of my approaches,as long as theyre coming from isntincts, its genuine, its naturally me, then im cool with it. Otherwise its garbage lmao. A "walk and talk" approach naturally occured at that point. I went with it, she was cute, reserved, she said no to coffee. Kept it casual, friendly, thx see ya!

Today I had an interaction that felt incredibly aligned with who I am. I was eating at an Indian restaurant with friends, and one of the servers caught my attention immediately. She was stunning — elegant, mature, classy. The way she walked, the way she spoke, everything about her presence drew me in. I was honestly in awe. I couldn’t stop smiling like a kid. I kept looking at her because I wanted her to see me looking at her. Eventually she did. She walked over and asked if we needed anything. I just said, “No, I was just checking you out. You’re really beautiful.” She said “Oh, okay,” and walked away. But internally I felt like it wasn’t over. Later, I waved her over again. She came to the table. I asked her name. We shook hands. I playfully asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend now. She laughed and said she was happily single and not dating. I teased her a bit. I told her that’s only because she hadn’t met me yet. I joked about her going home alone and hugging her pillow at night. She laughed. It felt natural. Playful. Not forced. At one point I leaned in and told her I’d take her number and take her out outside of work. She declined again, saying she really wanted to stay single. I didn’t push past that. I complimented her nails, held her hand for a moment, gave it back. She stayed at our table for a while after that, even though she had every opportunity to leave. That part was interesting to me. Maybe she truly doesn’t want to date. Maybe she’s serious about relationships. Maybe it’s something else entirely. There are a million possible reasons. But the key thing for me is this: I did exactly what felt right. I was direct from the start. I didn’t hide interest. I was playful, grounded, cocky in a natural way. I expressed that I wanted her. There was no strategy running in my head. No performance. No neediness. When she declined multiple times, I accepted it calmly. When I went to pay later, we still chatted briefly and it was light. That felt like a win.