Jan 20 (edited) • General discussion
Deep Confession
I screwed up last night… this month has been chaotic for all the wrong reasons. Pain and toil I did not ask for nor deserve. I couldn’t bear thinking about it at every moment of the day or to be at peace only to have my phone ring and remind me about it… There they were staring me right in the face. The temptation was simply too high… I just wanted to numb myself and turn my brain off for one night. Poor me deserves it after all. I reached for a shot glass and let the elixir of life slowly pour out. This is a bad idea… I should just pour it back and leave it. Oh… but it smells so good. Almond caramel cream with a hint of parfum smoke. Here goes nothing. Delicious. Rich notes of nuttiness with a mild sting that sterilizes my overactive thoughts. That’s enough.. but this feels great… I want more.. oh darn only half a shot left. There’s another bottle thankfully… round 2. Even tastier. Third times a charm? Let’s do it.
My spirits are so full of energy now. All the weight is off their shoulders. They want to dance. They want to fly. They want to swing from branch to branch. Maple trees call for them. Stop by for some maple whiskey on the comedown? Yes please. 3 for the table…
I feel dirty now, I’m practically covered in mud but who cares? No one can stop me know. I have all the power! Is that water I see? It smells like hand sanitizer. Yes, it’s just what I need. My hands are filthy and so was my mouth for allowing myself to bend into temptation. This’ll clean everything up. The desires, the negativity, the barriers… 1-2-3-…. Accepted plays on my tv. This is it- I’m one of the cool kids again. They look up to me, they want to be like me. I’m not jealous of anyone. They’re jealous of me; we’re all on the same league here. That won’t hold true tomorrow, all I’ll probably forget all about it… then this dream will end and all will be the same again… like it never even happened…
Sorry for the story rant but it helps make this more bearable. In case you didn’t catch on I bent into my old temptations and downed about 10 shots. It was 6 months steady that I hadn’t touched the bottle and allowed myself to get piss faced. I’m upset at myself but like I also shouldn’t be. Just wanted a night of peace.. but alas here I am also wanting to do it again tonight. Thanks for reading this far.
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Deep Confession
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