A lot of neurodivergent children don’t follow a straight developmental line. You can have a child who is reading well above their age, solving maths problems quickly… ...but then struggling to join a game, hold a back-and-forth conversation, or manage the social expectations of their year group. And that gap can become really noticeable around Year 2 (US: 1st Grade, age 6–7). Not because anything has “gone wrong”… but because the environment suddenly asks for more than just knowledge. 📚 It starts asking for: – independence – organisation – flexible thinking – social awareness – sustained effort on demand For children with AuDHD and a PDA profile, that’s a very different kind of load. 😩 So what can happen? A child who can do the work… starts to avoid it. A child who understands the lesson… doesn’t engage with it. A child who seems “fine” academically… begins to fall behind in practice Not because they’ve lost ability — but because the demands have outpaced their capacity in that moment. You might notice things like: • Your 8-year-old chatting more comfortably with younger children (e.g. Year 1 / US: Kindergarten, age 5–6) • Struggling with group dynamics their own age handle more easily • Avoiding tasks they can absolutely do at home • Big reactions to everyday expectations • Needing more support with starting, stopping, or shifting tasks That doesn’t mean they’re “behind.” It means their development is spiky. 🦔 Think of it like this: Their learning ability might be working at Year 4 or above (US: 3rd Grade, age 8–9)… while their executive functioning is closer to Year 1–2 (US: Kindergarten–1st Grade)… and their nervous system is trying to keep everything balanced in between. That’s a huge load for a child to carry. So when your child gravitates towards younger children socially? That often isn’t regression. It’s regulation. 🧘‍♀️ Younger children tend to: – place fewer social demands – be more direct and less complex – allow more flexibility in play

I’ve just added a new class into the community: Breaking the Loop: When They Won’t Let It Go This one matters!! 💕 Because this isn’t about a one-off behaviour… it’s about the relentless, all-day pressure that wears you down. The repeated asking. The pushing. The not dropping it — no matter how calm or clear you are. Inside this class, I break down: 👉 why it keeps happening 👉 why “no” isn’t ending it 👉 what actually changes things in the moment And just to say clearly this isn’t just for PDA. If you have a child who repeats, pushes and struggles to let things go then this applies. If you’re on Premium or above, I implore you to go and use it! Not just read it — but when given the situation to try it. 🤗 Because this is one of those shifts that can change the feel of your whole day. If you get a chance to give it a go let me know how it lands for you!! 🌿

Ever feel like you’ve already answered… and they just keep going? Same question. Same demand. All day. It’s not a conversation anymore. It’s pressure. And no matter how calm, clear, or consistent you are… it doesn’t stop. Here’s the shift most people miss: 👉 It’s not about getting the right words 👉 It’s about closing the loop and stepping out of it Because if you stay in it — they’ve still got something to push against. Try this instead: 1. Close it once “We’ve decided. It’s not happening.” 2. Repeat once “Asked and answered.” 3. Then step out “I’m not talking about this.” …and mean it. No re-explaining. No debating. No new angles. Just out. What happens next? It might get louder before it settles. That doesn’t mean it’s not working. It means the old pattern isn’t working anymore. You’re not ignoring your child. You’re refusing to stay in a loop that’s draining you and going nowhere. If this hits home, I’m going to be going deeper into this soon adding insight to Premium — including what to do when they follow, escalate, or pull siblings in. Because this isn’t about being calmer. It’s about not being the thing they can keep pushing on every minute of the day!

PDA isn’t about “won’t”… it’s about “can’t right now.” One of the biggest shifts is realising this isn’t defiance in the way people think. 🧠 It’s not that “They’re choosing not to listen”, “They’re being difficult” Or “They just need firmer boundaries” It’s “I feel too overwhelmed to access what you’re asking” “My nervous system is in protection mode” “I need safety before I can cooperate” And the tricky part? 🧩 It can look like control, avoidance, arguing, or pushing back — especially in moments where, on the surface, the demand seems small. But for a PDA nervous system, even everyday things can feel like a loss of autonomy. So instead of asking: “How do I make them do it?” We start asking: “How do I reduce the pressure enough so they can?” That’s where things begin to shift. 💕

Does your child always ask you to get things for them… even when it’s right next to them? The snack is on the table. 🥨 The coat is by their feet. The remote is literally within arm’s reach. And yet… “Can you get it?” “You do it.” “I need you to.” It can look like laziness. Or control. Or habit. But for many PDA children, something else is happening. Even if you haven’t said a word, they can be experiencing an internal demand. Wanting the snack = a demand. Standing up to get it = a demand. Reaching for it = a demand. Choosing it = a demand. The pressure isn’t always coming from you. It’s coming from inside their own nervous system. When they ask you to get it, they may be: • Offloading the demand • Reducing internal anxiety • Avoiding the feeling of being trapped • Protecting their sense of autonomy It’s not about capability. It’s about regulation. That’s why pushing independence in the moment often backfires. The more pressure they feel, the more stuck they become. Instead, try lowering the load: “I’ll start it.” “Let’s do it together.” “I’m heading that way anyway.” Or make it playful and indirect. When safety increases, independence follows. Have you noticed this in your home? Does your child ask you to get things that are right beside them?