Feb 21 • PDA Parenting 👩❤️👨👩🍼
Demands 😩
Does your child always ask you to get things for them… even when it’s right next to them?
The snack is on the table. 🥨
The coat is by their feet.
The remote is literally within arm’s reach.
And yet…
“Can you get it?”
“You do it.”
“I need you to.”
It can look like laziness.
Or control.
Or habit.
But for many PDA children, something else is happening.
Even if you haven’t said a word, they can be experiencing an internal demand.
Wanting the snack = a demand.
Standing up to get it = a demand.
Reaching for it = a demand.
Choosing it = a demand.
The pressure isn’t always coming from you.
It’s coming from inside their own nervous system.
When they ask you to get it, they may be:
• Offloading the demand
• Reducing internal anxiety
• Avoiding the feeling of being trapped
• Protecting their sense of autonomy
It’s not about capability.
It’s about regulation.
That’s why pushing independence in the moment often backfires. The more pressure they feel, the more stuck they become.
Instead, try lowering the load:
“I’ll start it.”
“Let’s do it together.”
“I’m heading that way anyway.”
Or make it playful and indirect.
When safety increases, independence follows.
Have you noticed this in your home?
Does your child ask you to get things that are right beside them?
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Demands 😩
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