Did anyone else have the craziest year of their life last year? Damn I quit my job Started a non profit business Got off my meds visited my childhood home Challanged myself in every possible way Am still recovering from the change

Can someone try explaining surrendering/letting go in a way that just breaks it all the way down? I read books and hear people talking about it, and every time I sense that I’m starting to surrender, I eventually realize I’m not fully surrendered at all. Perhaps more surrendered than previously, but I keep getting stuck in thoughts that judge my reality in negative ways. I’ve also chosen solitude heavily this last year, as I feel I’m not ready for society anymore. I tell myself I’ll go back to societal ways when I’m in a state of love and abundance, which I get the taste of in very short doses from time to time. Then I think to myself that I’m attached to being surrendered, as I don’t want to live externally until I feel a certain way, which seems counter-intuitive to surrendering. It’s really hard for me to heal when I’m always with people, as I’m way more relaxed by myself. Then again I crave human connection.