Are you truly awake or just accepting that you are without knowing that you are, and if you are awake, how do you know you are awake and what have you woken up from?

Can someone try explaining surrendering/letting go in a way that just breaks it all the way down? I read books and hear people talking about it, and every time I sense that I’m starting to surrender, I eventually realize I’m not fully surrendered at all. Perhaps more surrendered than previously, but I keep getting stuck in thoughts that judge my reality in negative ways. I’ve also chosen solitude heavily this last year, as I feel I’m not ready for society anymore. I tell myself I’ll go back to societal ways when I’m in a state of love and abundance, which I get the taste of in very short doses from time to time. Then I think to myself that I’m attached to being surrendered, as I don’t want to live externally until I feel a certain way, which seems counter-intuitive to surrendering. It’s really hard for me to heal when I’m always with people, as I’m way more relaxed by myself. Then again I crave human connection.

I know that hurting beings hurt other beings, but why are the beings hurting each other to begin with?

People often say to those who seem to have many requirements to accept someone as a partner that, thinking this way, they will never find anyone. But I wonder… what are we supposed to do? Accept compromises just to pair up and obtain a sense of security, even though deep down, from the very beginning, we feel we won’t be able to endure them for long? Have we stopped believing in love… possibly because we are no longer capable of loving someone that isn't our ego or its projected expression? Or the expectation of love in this paired form, while being almost taken for granted with all its complexities, is just a narrow viewpoint of our true feelings? If our feelings of wild romance collide with feelings of order and diligence: what ethical stance is right to have? Is there a right-choice? Are our partners our property? Are we entitled to deny them to love someone else in such a way that one feels due to boycott any contradictory feeling arising or loving is letting the other have freedom of choice regardless of the choice he makes? Is jealousy an indication of sound concern or just an uncontrolled demand for attention? Is love something you can crystallize forever with an oath or a whim of the moment? But most importantly: are we giving our partner what we demand from them? I don't have an answer, just a personal way of threading between the poles, and the certainty of pissing off somebodies and the certainty of moving some others towards me, inevitably, exchangeably, with each decision. Ohhh... by the Mo'Jaal's filthy bowels! I pray for the Balance! What is your take on this?

Are you taking full responsibility and accountability for how you perceive others and treat others? Are you treating others how you would like to be treated?