so my mind always went to the worst possible conclusions but ever since a young age i used to be really scared of the idea of being max tortured but i had relief that ill die probably without experiencing it, but now that i think reincarnation and infinite lifetimes exist i cant help but worry about the possibility that its impossible to avoid max torture because we never truly die and eventually itll come. is there any advice that can help that worry or do i just try to ignore it everytime the thought pops up

Hi my name is zümra. Currently in my life I quit antidepressants and the anger that was dumbed by over 2 years just came back I get angry and sad very quick i realized that i’m not calm at all and my nervous system is absouletly cooked. My therapist once said that i have similar patterns with borderlines. Then she just stopped seeing me. I got dissappointed several times from friends lovers and therapists but i still trust and rely on people very easily and get manipulated. Sometimes i think that there is something wrong with me that everyone can see but me. And i think thats why they always get away from me. I dont have any friends and ı dont know how to get one without making myself smaller than i am. I always get rejected by people. And if i dont go talk with them nobody comes and talks to me and when they do that ı get nervous and fck it up. ı ve been trying to build confidence but still people dont come near me. I dont attract but push people away. Its my beliefes and childhood patterns that ruins me. ı just feel hopeles.