Hi my name is zümra. Currently in my life I quit antidepressants and the anger that was dumbed by over 2 years just came back I get angry and sad very quick i realized that i’m not calm at all and my nervous system is absouletly cooked. My therapist once said that i have similar patterns with borderlines. Then she just stopped seeing me. I got dissappointed several times from friends lovers and therapists but i still trust and rely on people very easily and get manipulated. Sometimes i think that there is something wrong with me that everyone can see but me. And i think thats why they always get away from me. I dont have any friends and ı dont know how to get one without making myself smaller than i am. I always get rejected by people. And if i dont go talk with them nobody comes and talks to me and when they do that ı get nervous and fck it up. ı ve been trying to build confidence but still people dont come near me. I dont attract but push people away. Its my beliefes and childhood patterns that ruins me. ı just feel hopeles.

Spent the morning in self reflection. Noticing how light and dark presents in every day. Suffering lead me to finding myself again. I know the path isn’t linear and I’m made aware every day that lessons are laid out on it. I think I need to learn patience and try not to blame ego for the root of all my problems. Still so much to learn.