This isn't a glow up, it's a rebuild

You're 18/19, an athlete, training for volleyball twice a day, 4 days a week with games at weekends. You feel that you're in best shape of your life. But in reality, yes you're fit and have energy but you know nothing about nutrition or hydration. You're in a toxic, abusive relationship. You're immature and have minimal life experience.

Then at 20, you escape the relationship but you get injured, you lose your Mom (your soul mate, your biggest supporter). You go into self destruct mode. You have minimal support around you. All forms of exercise stops. You enter the student era, drinking all night, dragging your ass through uni and smoking. You're ashamed of who you are and feel completely broken. This lasts for 2 years and then you get help.

But at 22 you get salmonella, you're so poorly you're unable work and go from a size 14 to a size 8 in 3 months, and are borderline anorexic for over a year. Your body is in a huge state of shock. You get a motorbike, one of your dreams, but you're too weak to ride and have to sell it within 6 months. (Pic 1)

At 23 you try to get strong and fit again. You've not smoked in a year and a half and you try to find yourself again. You start with Lean in 15 and you're looking good. (Pic 2-3)

At 24, you come off contraception after 11 years of being on in constantly. Your body hates this change, and starts to play up. You're mis-diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME and Fibromyalgia, and are told that this is what your life will be from now. You're on walking sticks, you can just about get to work and back but then you're back in bed. Goodbye social life and exercise. The weight creeps on. You're house bound. Hello depression (No photos).

At 25 you get engaged and start the cereal diet 🫣 you want to look good when you get married.

At 26 you get married and you're told it's unlikely you'll have kids (Pic 4 with my brother) But then a miracle, pregnancy. You realise about the misdiagnosis of CFS/ME after falling pregnant. Your hormonal change almost resets your body and it's the best you've felt in a long time. Only to be hit with SPD in the 2nd trimester and you're now on crutches. Pregnancy weight happens.

Baby 1 arrives, 8lbs and your body has reset. No more SPD, no more ME/CFS or Fibromyalgia. Life is starting to feel good. But you're carrying a lot of weight and your body is tired. Covid hits and you learn to pivot, and try and see light through the awfulness happening. You have to stay positive for your child now. You get into hiking and slowly the weight comes down. You push and push and push, and don't listen to your body and get injured time and time again. (Pic 5 - 8)

At 28 you miscarry and lose your 2nd.

At 29 you need knee surgery but refuse to let it break you again. You pivot in the recovery process and see an opportunity to raise funds for the Children's through a month long spinathon cycling hundreds of miles through the month whilst raising funds, aiding recovery and losing weight.

You continue to develop your mental strength and resilience. You've still not got back into a gym but you're cycling and hiking everywhere. You want to be strong for your little one. You still hate photos and still look at yourself waiting for the real version of you to make an appearance. You feel trapped behind a locked gate in your mind. You're trying but it's not enough.

At 30, you miscarry twice but just after turning 31, you have your 5th pregnancy and it's going well. SPD hits earlier this time round, you're on crutches by the end of the first trimester and weight is ON. (Pic 9 in 2nd trimester)

Come 32, and baby no. 2 is born. A 9lb beast of a thing. It's the heaviest you've been. Your SPD is resolved but your hips still feel weak. Your mind is stronger than ever and the drive is there to be the best you can be. You swear to do proud by your kids and your mum and live your life to the fullest.

At 33, you find Crystal and do a 12 week shred diet. You lose your weight, but you're weak, and tired and are still feeling not like yourself. When will that positive mindset the 20 year old had come back? When will you smash through those locked gates you feel you're so trapped behind?

You start watching gladiators. You start following a few of them on Instagram including Matt, Jodie and Jamie. You see an offer for a month long programme with Jamie and think, what's to lose?

You meet an incredible bunch of like minded people who become your support group 💜 You then decide to attend an in person event and feel completely out of the depth - what are you doing driving to Ilkeston to go into a gym like this?

But then a shift. You start a training session and for the first time since 19, you feel strong. You have the biggest mental shift in over a decade. This is it. This is what you've been looking for and have needed all the time. A bit of support, a bit of guidance, a bit of positivity in your circle. With this change, knowledge, own life experiences and endless counselling, you realise your own strength, mentally and physically. The gate is finally unlocked.

You're here and this is just the start...(pic 10)

12 comments